"But still I cannot see, if the savage one is me, how can there be so much that you don't know?"
My time here in Jerusalem has been very reflective. Actually, it is one of the most reflective moments I have had in many years. The last time I was in Jerusalem I prayed for the clarity to enter a new era of my life, college. Mainly, by keeping my religion close to me in the ways that I see fit. Since that time in my life, I have spent most of my meditations focused on self-reflection; however, this time around Israel is less of a religious experience for me and more of a eye-opening experience. This Shabbat, I am not thinking about self-improvement nearly as much as I am thinking about Israel-improvement.
I have seen all of the major sites in Jerusalem and most of the lesser known sites as well. I logically decided that this time I wanted to explore areas I have not been. Instead of staying in West Jerusalem or the Jewish Quarter, I set up home in the Christian Quarter of the Old City. My goal was to visit more Christian sites and to go to "Muslim" (Palestinian) areas. Seeing the ferver of religious conviction from holy site to holy site since the moment I got here has really brought into perspective how important this city is to people of all three Abrahamic religions. It also became more clear to me how divided this city is. Just a ten minutes walk from the plaza of Western Wall, where you mostly find Hassidim, Israeli soldiers, and tourists, you can end up in areas of the Old City where the only people in sight are Arab. This area was forbidden to me in the past for safety reasons but I fear that sheltering me from these areas has only increased my curiosity now. The feeling there is much different and the people seem, at least to me, to be living in a much more difficult world. A world that I am not sure I will ever understand.
On Friday, I had the particularly interesting experience of visiting Silwan, the largest of 28 Palestinian villages in East Jerusalem, with a group organized by J Street U. I learned about the Jewish settlers and how they forcefully and unethically remove Palestinians from their homes in the name of repopulating the area surrounding Jerusalem with Jews. The Israeli government allows for the extremist settler group Elad Organization to commit these crimes against humanity and provides police to remove people from their homes in the middle of the night. They use only mildly accurate and extremely one sided interpretations of archeological sites (particularly the "City of David") to prove their claim over a land that was not even occupied by Israel until 1967. People who live in houses that their grandparents built are forced defend themselves in court against the racist "Absentee Property Law." These people pay their taxes but are provided very few services from the municipality and cannot vote for the Knesset (Congress) members. The only park in the neighborhood Wadi Hilweh in Silwan, an area with 5,000 people, was built by an organization of the people living there, not the state. It was created on an open piece of land and was knocked down just two weeks ago by the government that should be protecting them, not hurting them. In this same neighborhood the only school they have is an after school arts program they started with their own money. I would encourage you to read up about Silwan before you visit the "City of David" archeological park that is on property taken from this village. The profits made on the site eventually go to Elad Organization. What they don't tell you at the information center is that the park is maintained by Elad Organization through a deal created between them and the Israel Antiquities Authority and that there are settlers houses on the site. Another thing the "City of David" fails to tell you is how controversial the findings on the site are. They state many theories as facts in order to promote their interests and to give reason for continuing excavation in places like the Givati Parking Lot. In the end, it is a way to justify taking land from Palestinians without compensation. I personally feel disgusted that I have visited this site twice without ever knowing the truth. If you would like to visit, I would suggest sticking to the parts of the park that are actually open to the public and taking the information of the plaques with a grain of salt. **I am no expert on this subject and the information stated here is my opinion. Please take the time to look into this yourself if you are interested. Here is somewhere to start: Ir Amim Information Booklet on Silwan**
Please do not take what I have written as a sign that I have turned against Israel. I love Israel. I love being a Jew. I also believe in certain morals that have shaped me as a person and are being violated here. The lessons of Jewish history (i.e., all the times we have been discriminated against and treated unfairly) have led me to be very uncomfortable with the situation in Jerusalem. I had been to the City of David before and was totally oblivious to the truth behind the site. I refuse to believe that this deception and lack of concern for the well-being of others is what G-d wants. In this, the Holy City, so many unholy things happen. These occurrences are just considered routine here and are not regarded with much interest. A riot occurred on the Temple Mount yesterday and life just went on as usual. Most tourists remained completely unaware of the tensions occurring on the Mount, arguably the holiest place on Earth and the place where the Second Intifada broke out. Life goes on in the comfortable homes of West Jerusalem as the people of East Jerusalem live in fear and with anger.
As I walked back from praying with Shira Hadasha last night, I could not help to notice how much nicer West Jerusalem is compared to Silwan. I had never really thought about it before. Now I cannot help to turn my thoughts to all the other places I have visited. How about the Arab village of Old Akko that I visited on Monday? Yeah, there were some cool sites. Yeah, Hummas Siad was delicious. But what is life like there beyond the tourist attraction? What is the reality there?
The title of this post, "Colors of the Wind," is the name of a song from film Pocahontas. If you have somehow managed to avoid seeing or hearing about this well known Disney movie, let me know. I will be impressed. Pocahontas is loosely based on the story of how John Smith, a British explorer of North America, and Pocahontas, a Native American, fall in love. The song "Colors of the Wind" is sung by Pocahontas to John. She wants to know how he can be so ignorant and how he can think that "...you own whatever land you land on." Despite the glaring inaccuracies in Pocahontas, it is still part of the moral foundation laid for me when I was a child. I see many similarities to the behavior of certain Israelis toward the native people here. The explorers were like "settlers." They took what they wanted with no regard to the people they hurt in the process. I am ashamed to live in a country that grew from such injustice and I am ashamed that Israel has followed in the same footsteps. If occupation is necessary, then the State of Israel should treat those in occupied territories like we wish we were treated in Eastern Europe. Both the history of my people and nation have made it clear to me that what is going on here is wrong.
A second way American history has informed my feelings toward Israel is the Civil Rights movement. In the style and spirit of the words of Martin Luther King (who ironically, in my opinion, has a street named after him in West Jerusalem): I dream that one day all people living in the land of Israel will have the full rights of citizens, will be provided with the appropriate resources, and will be treated as equals.
I do not want to see Israel make the same mistakes America has or the same mistakes the oppressors of the Jewish people have. With a heart filled with concern and a mind burdened by disillusionment, I went to the Western Wall last night to pray for peace. Call me naive, call me young, call me an idealist. I do not care. I will keep believing that, as Edmond Fleg wrote, "...the promise of Israel is the universal promise." Because deep down inside of me, in the same place my love for Israel and the people of Israel comes, I feel the presence of a force greater than man. I feel the force that connects all men. I feel an inner peace that I want the whole world to know.
"He will judge the Earth justly, and it's people faithfully." Psalm 96
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I Will Follow You Into the Dark
“The soles of your shoes are all warn down…”
As I began writing this blog post, I was sitting in an apartment in Tzfat, a holy city in Israel and the home of Kabbalah. I was typing on my friend Emma’s computer while it snowed/rained outside. Our power was out. It was freezing cold. Rebekah and Emma were sitting behind me reading Captain Underpants in Hebrew. It was a bizarre end to a surreal week.
Most of this week was relatively uneventful. I did a couple of things in Haifa, but nothing truly noteworthy. As the week drew to a close I had to study for my Ulpan final, clean my room out, and pack my backpack for the adventure ahead of me. With an eviction notice from the university on my door and Ulpan behind me, I felt like a true wanderer. It was hard to say goodbye to the place I had begun to love and the people who made it special. Despite that, what I said in last week’s post remains true. I want to move on and explore. I want to use my Hebrew in more real world situations. It is possible that I failed my final but I still do think I have learned a significant amount since being here. So, with a fair share of sadness and even more excitement, I spent Thursday afternoon and evening moving out. It felt a bit strange but I knew it had be done.
In the afternoon, Emma and Rebekah came over to keep me company while I tried to finish the task of packing my room. Emma offered to run Applejack, a program to clear up issues with Apple computers, on Walter Jr., my computer. There were a couple of kinks with him. They were nothing major but she thought Applejack could help. When she went to restart Walter Jr., he would not boot. The apple would come up and the thinking dial would spin. The fan would begin to run and he would promptly shut down. Panic ensued. Using her international phone Emma called the Helpdesk at the Main Library of Brandeis University, where she works. They could not help. She then called Applecare. They said that, because my computer is past warranty, they would charge fifty dollars to do troubleshooting. They told Emma if it did not work the troubleshooting would be free. We decided to eat dinner and try to fix it ourselves before making any decisions. When that did not work, she called back. The new Applecare specialist was not as helpful. She said the troubleshooting would cost fifty dollars no matter what and would not tell us if she thought it would help. We asked her to explain to us where we can get help with my computer in Israel only to find out that there are no Apple stores here. (Fun fact: There are Apple stores in the United Arab Emirates but not in Israel.) My situation seem hopeless. Emma asked to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor did the troubleshooting with us for free but it did not work; however, we did learn that the problem was either the Operating System (OS) or the hard drive. I was desperately hoping that it was just the OS. If that is the case, all you have to do is reload it with the disk. Unfortunately, my OS Panther, is so old that you cannot download it online. We decided to call our counselors from the university to find out where we could find somebody that can fix Apple computers. They told us that instead of Apple there is an Apple retailer called iDigital. There is a iDigital in the Grand Canyon mall in Haifa.
On Friday morning, we woke up and grabbed all of our stuff for our trip to Tzfat. After two bus rides we arrived at the mall. Once awkwardly going through the security check with all of our stuff (yes, malls in Israel have security gates), we made our way to the iDigital. Oriel, an “Expert” (in America they are called “Geniuses”), tried to help me with his broken English. A lot of the details of our conversation were in Hebrew because he could not easily explain the technicalities in English. At first, he told me that I had to send my computer to some lab due to the fact that it is a foreign computer. I was not excited to hear that. It sounded expensive and I had reason to believe that all I needed was the OS. With some persuasion from me, he booted it with Snow Leopard, the upgraded OS for my computer, on an external hard drive. He said that they could try to restore my computer and upgrade it but that I had to leave it for them to work on. It was Friday and, therefore, I would not be able to get my computer until Sunday. Later that day, as we waited for our bus to Tzfat, I got a call from Oriel. My computer was fixed! I picked up my computer and payed 434NES (approximately 120 dollars) but the information was all lost. It was silly of me to never have backed it up. Oh, well. At least I have a computer.
I was in Tzfat from Friday to Sunday. It was raining and snowing (!) most of the time. Saturday morning we had hoped to go to services at some of the famous synagogues here. The rain and our sleep deprived bodies prevented us from making on time. We still had the pleasure of seeing beautiful views from Mount Meron and the old city empty with the exception of people going to and from synagogue. Actually, the largest group of people we came upon was a cluster of men dancing in the rain outside of HaAri Synagogue. The rest of the day we relaxed. To our misfortune, the power went out in our cold little guesthouse. After Shabbat and a couple tries, the owner fixed it. That night, we went out for dinner at a nice dairy restaurant and went on a walk. That walk involved a lot of snow. Too bad we did not pack winter wear for Israel. Our shoes, particularly the soles of Emma's fashion boots, payed the price. The next morning, we hit all the major sites of Tzfat, ate delicious Yemenite food, and got a bus back to Haifa.
As I finish this post it is Monday morning and I am staying in Emma's room at the University of Haifa. Today I am taking a day trip to Akko. Tomorrow morning I will make the move to Jerusalem. I have some really fun plans for my time there. It also appears that I will have internet but I have not decided if I will be bringing my laptop...I would hate to see it break again.
As I began writing this blog post, I was sitting in an apartment in Tzfat, a holy city in Israel and the home of Kabbalah. I was typing on my friend Emma’s computer while it snowed/rained outside. Our power was out. It was freezing cold. Rebekah and Emma were sitting behind me reading Captain Underpants in Hebrew. It was a bizarre end to a surreal week.
Most of this week was relatively uneventful. I did a couple of things in Haifa, but nothing truly noteworthy. As the week drew to a close I had to study for my Ulpan final, clean my room out, and pack my backpack for the adventure ahead of me. With an eviction notice from the university on my door and Ulpan behind me, I felt like a true wanderer. It was hard to say goodbye to the place I had begun to love and the people who made it special. Despite that, what I said in last week’s post remains true. I want to move on and explore. I want to use my Hebrew in more real world situations. It is possible that I failed my final but I still do think I have learned a significant amount since being here. So, with a fair share of sadness and even more excitement, I spent Thursday afternoon and evening moving out. It felt a bit strange but I knew it had be done.
In the afternoon, Emma and Rebekah came over to keep me company while I tried to finish the task of packing my room. Emma offered to run Applejack, a program to clear up issues with Apple computers, on Walter Jr., my computer. There were a couple of kinks with him. They were nothing major but she thought Applejack could help. When she went to restart Walter Jr., he would not boot. The apple would come up and the thinking dial would spin. The fan would begin to run and he would promptly shut down. Panic ensued. Using her international phone Emma called the Helpdesk at the Main Library of Brandeis University, where she works. They could not help. She then called Applecare. They said that, because my computer is past warranty, they would charge fifty dollars to do troubleshooting. They told Emma if it did not work the troubleshooting would be free. We decided to eat dinner and try to fix it ourselves before making any decisions. When that did not work, she called back. The new Applecare specialist was not as helpful. She said the troubleshooting would cost fifty dollars no matter what and would not tell us if she thought it would help. We asked her to explain to us where we can get help with my computer in Israel only to find out that there are no Apple stores here. (Fun fact: There are Apple stores in the United Arab Emirates but not in Israel.) My situation seem hopeless. Emma asked to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor did the troubleshooting with us for free but it did not work; however, we did learn that the problem was either the Operating System (OS) or the hard drive. I was desperately hoping that it was just the OS. If that is the case, all you have to do is reload it with the disk. Unfortunately, my OS Panther, is so old that you cannot download it online. We decided to call our counselors from the university to find out where we could find somebody that can fix Apple computers. They told us that instead of Apple there is an Apple retailer called iDigital. There is a iDigital in the Grand Canyon mall in Haifa.
On Friday morning, we woke up and grabbed all of our stuff for our trip to Tzfat. After two bus rides we arrived at the mall. Once awkwardly going through the security check with all of our stuff (yes, malls in Israel have security gates), we made our way to the iDigital. Oriel, an “Expert” (in America they are called “Geniuses”), tried to help me with his broken English. A lot of the details of our conversation were in Hebrew because he could not easily explain the technicalities in English. At first, he told me that I had to send my computer to some lab due to the fact that it is a foreign computer. I was not excited to hear that. It sounded expensive and I had reason to believe that all I needed was the OS. With some persuasion from me, he booted it with Snow Leopard, the upgraded OS for my computer, on an external hard drive. He said that they could try to restore my computer and upgrade it but that I had to leave it for them to work on. It was Friday and, therefore, I would not be able to get my computer until Sunday. Later that day, as we waited for our bus to Tzfat, I got a call from Oriel. My computer was fixed! I picked up my computer and payed 434NES (approximately 120 dollars) but the information was all lost. It was silly of me to never have backed it up. Oh, well. At least I have a computer.
I was in Tzfat from Friday to Sunday. It was raining and snowing (!) most of the time. Saturday morning we had hoped to go to services at some of the famous synagogues here. The rain and our sleep deprived bodies prevented us from making on time. We still had the pleasure of seeing beautiful views from Mount Meron and the old city empty with the exception of people going to and from synagogue. Actually, the largest group of people we came upon was a cluster of men dancing in the rain outside of HaAri Synagogue. The rest of the day we relaxed. To our misfortune, the power went out in our cold little guesthouse. After Shabbat and a couple tries, the owner fixed it. That night, we went out for dinner at a nice dairy restaurant and went on a walk. That walk involved a lot of snow. Too bad we did not pack winter wear for Israel. Our shoes, particularly the soles of Emma's fashion boots, payed the price. The next morning, we hit all the major sites of Tzfat, ate delicious Yemenite food, and got a bus back to Haifa.
As I finish this post it is Monday morning and I am staying in Emma's room at the University of Haifa. Today I am taking a day trip to Akko. Tomorrow morning I will make the move to Jerusalem. I have some really fun plans for my time there. It also appears that I will have internet but I have not decided if I will be bringing my laptop...I would hate to see it break again.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tentitive Itinerary (17 Feb - 5 March 2012)
Friday, February 17 - Sunday, February 19: Tzfat with Emma and Rebekah
Sunday, February 19 - Monday, February 20: Staying in Haifa with a day trip to Akko
Tuesday, February 21 - Saturday, February, 25: Jerusalem
Saturday (after Shabbat), February 25 - February 26: Eilat
Monday, February 27: Petra, Jordan *on an organized tour*
Tuesday, February 28- Wednesday, February 29: more Eilat
Wednesday, February 29- Saturday, March 3: Tel Aviv
Saturday, March 3 (after Shabbat): Go back to Haifa
Sunday, March 4: Day trip to Akko from Haifa
Monday, March 5: Arrive in Beer Sheva
Still on the Israel to-do list:
The Galilee (with the exception of Tzfat)
Ein Gedi (obligatory Dead Sea stuff and Masada)
Negev area spots: Sde Boker and Mitzpe Ramon
More time exploring Jerusalem and Tel Aviv
Sunday, February 19 - Monday, February 20: Staying in Haifa with a day trip to Akko
Tuesday, February 21 - Saturday, February, 25: Jerusalem
Saturday (after Shabbat), February 25 - February 26: Eilat
Monday, February 27: Petra, Jordan *on an organized tour*
Tuesday, February 28- Wednesday, February 29: more Eilat
Wednesday, February 29- Saturday, March 3: Tel Aviv
Saturday, March 3 (after Shabbat): Go back to Haifa
Sunday, March 4: Day trip to Akko from Haifa
Monday, March 5: Arrive in Beer Sheva
Still on the Israel to-do list:
The Galilee (with the exception of Tzfat)
Ein Gedi (obligatory Dead Sea stuff and Masada)
Negev area spots: Sde Boker and Mitzpe Ramon
More time exploring Jerusalem and Tel Aviv
Saturday, February 11, 2012
New Again
"I am, I am ready to be new again."
This week has been much more comfortable for me in many ways. I have mostly gotten used to the kitchen here. Cooking and shopping have also become much easier. Having class at 8:30 in the morning is still annoying but I have learned to keep myself together for the four hour class. Traveling around Haifa has become a little more second nature to me. If it was not for the fact that I am leaving here in six days, I would be extremely happy with my progress. Instead, I find myself ready to move on before I get too comfortable.
********************************************************************************
On the evening of Shabbat last week, I attended a dinner held by the Student Association on campus. It was very nice but I must admit that I was a bit embarrassed to be surrounded by Americans. The people on this program are great but I dislike having too many people assuming that I want to speak to them in English and asking me a lot about America. That, unfortunately, was not my biggest problem. After many times hearing one of the Rabbis speaking, some of the American students began talking at a disrespectfully loud volume. The Rabbi reprimanded them in Hebrew, which they do not understand, and the translator did not relay the message. It frustrates me at times like that to be lumped together with the other international students. Despite my frustration, it was all in all a nice evening and I enjoyed the company of my fellow international students. Honestly, part of me wishes I was staying here. A larger part of me knows that I will learn more and grow more when I push myself further out of my comfort zone by entering a true immersion.
During Shabbat day I went on an amazing hike. I gathered a group of three friends to go on a five hour hike to the beach with me through Carmel National Park. It was challenging but very fun. That adventure got me very excited to start my backpacking trip. Hiking through the nature of Israel is so different from what I am used to. I hope that I will have an opprotunity to do many hikes while I am here.
Now for the really sad news: I failed my Ulpan midterm. It was pretty upsetting. I really did study as hard as I could and I tried my best. I cannot really expect any more than that from myself. Fortunately, my teacher allowed me to retake the same exam (she switched the order of the questions). Since the exam, the work load for that class has decreased a bit. That has been extremely helpful for me. Especially because it gave me time to practice my Hebrew presentation about the Lifespan Emotion Development Laboratory, where I work when I am at school. I am still not happy with the amount of Hebrew I am using but it has improved some. I am going to do my best to keep working in this direction. While I am traveling I suspect I will be able to disengage from English for quiet some time.
Wednesday it was Tu B'Shvat, the New Year of the trees. On Tuesday we planted trees on campus and had a seder, a ritual meal.
This week has included some interesting trips. On Wednesday we went to the Diaspora Museum in Tel Aviv. It was a very unique place. I am happy we went because it made me think a lot; however, I disagreed with the tone of the museum and overall did not enjoy it. I felt that the museum spoke of the Diaspora as the past and focused a lot on what went wrong instead of the current situation or happy times in the past. The tour ended in a ramp symbolically representing making "aliyah" (literally it mean "going up" but it is used to say making immigration to Israel in Hebrew). I do not believe that the end goal of modern Judaism is Israel or that the Diaspora is a historical relic. I feel just as connected to American Judaism as I do to Israeli Judaism. Going to the museum caused me to evaluate my current feelings on the role of Israel and America on my life as a young Jewish women. At this point in my trip, I feel that I need more time to reach any conclusions but I believe this is the perfect time to start asking those questions.
Thursday I got my bangs cut for 10 NES. It was very cheap and very good. I cannot even begin to tell you how nice it is to have gotten my bangs out of my eyes. I went with my new hair-do over to Emma's place for a delicious meal with a large group of Israelis and Americans. We also had a smaller Shabbat dinner there. It was very pleasant to cook and eat with people in the way good friends do.
Yesterday, I went on a spectacular trip to Caesarea, the Carmel Winery, and Zichron Yaakov. I have no profound thoughts on any of those places but I would definitely recommend them. Caesarea was very beautiful and historically complex. Standing in a place with so much history and so many stories was powerful. Carmel Winery was also powerful but in a very different way. We had a nice wine tasting on empty stomachs. Not the best planning but it was very fun. After that, we were given time to eat some delicious felafel in Zichron Yaakov. We were led on a short tour. It was a nice little town to walk around and eat some food. If you ever happen to be in the area and looking for an easy going afternoon trip with some history thrown in, I would advice you go to Zichron Yaakov.
Today Emma and I walked to a Mosorti (similar to Conservative in America) synagogue in Horev Center, Haifa called Moriah Congregation. The walk totaled almost an hour each way. Even though we were tired, the weather was very nice and the walk was well worth it. We arrived at the synagogue in time for the Torah service. After services they had a nice Tu B'Shvat Seder and a potluck lunch. We stayed and sat with an American who made "aliyah" to Israel with her children and Israeli husband. It was an enjoyable way to spend Shabbat. If I were staying in Haifa, I think I would find myself going there often but I will never find out because this Thursday I take my final exam and move out of my dorm room.
*******************************************************************************
I said "I am ready," a couple of weeks ago and was very wrong. This time, I do not hold such delusions. I do, however, have a firm belief that I am ready to leave here. If I stayed much longer I would not have the strength to leave my new friends and my new-found comfort with Haifa. I know that moving forward will be what is best for me. By traveling I will have a more well-rounded experience. By attending Ben Gurion University I will learn the most Hebrew and will get to know a new place better.
After what I have learned here, I will try my best to move forward knowing that "Who I am is quite enough."
This week has been much more comfortable for me in many ways. I have mostly gotten used to the kitchen here. Cooking and shopping have also become much easier. Having class at 8:30 in the morning is still annoying but I have learned to keep myself together for the four hour class. Traveling around Haifa has become a little more second nature to me. If it was not for the fact that I am leaving here in six days, I would be extremely happy with my progress. Instead, I find myself ready to move on before I get too comfortable.
********************************************************************************
On the evening of Shabbat last week, I attended a dinner held by the Student Association on campus. It was very nice but I must admit that I was a bit embarrassed to be surrounded by Americans. The people on this program are great but I dislike having too many people assuming that I want to speak to them in English and asking me a lot about America. That, unfortunately, was not my biggest problem. After many times hearing one of the Rabbis speaking, some of the American students began talking at a disrespectfully loud volume. The Rabbi reprimanded them in Hebrew, which they do not understand, and the translator did not relay the message. It frustrates me at times like that to be lumped together with the other international students. Despite my frustration, it was all in all a nice evening and I enjoyed the company of my fellow international students. Honestly, part of me wishes I was staying here. A larger part of me knows that I will learn more and grow more when I push myself further out of my comfort zone by entering a true immersion.
During Shabbat day I went on an amazing hike. I gathered a group of three friends to go on a five hour hike to the beach with me through Carmel National Park. It was challenging but very fun. That adventure got me very excited to start my backpacking trip. Hiking through the nature of Israel is so different from what I am used to. I hope that I will have an opprotunity to do many hikes while I am here.
Now for the really sad news: I failed my Ulpan midterm. It was pretty upsetting. I really did study as hard as I could and I tried my best. I cannot really expect any more than that from myself. Fortunately, my teacher allowed me to retake the same exam (she switched the order of the questions). Since the exam, the work load for that class has decreased a bit. That has been extremely helpful for me. Especially because it gave me time to practice my Hebrew presentation about the Lifespan Emotion Development Laboratory, where I work when I am at school. I am still not happy with the amount of Hebrew I am using but it has improved some. I am going to do my best to keep working in this direction. While I am traveling I suspect I will be able to disengage from English for quiet some time.
Wednesday it was Tu B'Shvat, the New Year of the trees. On Tuesday we planted trees on campus and had a seder, a ritual meal.
This week has included some interesting trips. On Wednesday we went to the Diaspora Museum in Tel Aviv. It was a very unique place. I am happy we went because it made me think a lot; however, I disagreed with the tone of the museum and overall did not enjoy it. I felt that the museum spoke of the Diaspora as the past and focused a lot on what went wrong instead of the current situation or happy times in the past. The tour ended in a ramp symbolically representing making "aliyah" (literally it mean "going up" but it is used to say making immigration to Israel in Hebrew). I do not believe that the end goal of modern Judaism is Israel or that the Diaspora is a historical relic. I feel just as connected to American Judaism as I do to Israeli Judaism. Going to the museum caused me to evaluate my current feelings on the role of Israel and America on my life as a young Jewish women. At this point in my trip, I feel that I need more time to reach any conclusions but I believe this is the perfect time to start asking those questions.
Thursday I got my bangs cut for 10 NES. It was very cheap and very good. I cannot even begin to tell you how nice it is to have gotten my bangs out of my eyes. I went with my new hair-do over to Emma's place for a delicious meal with a large group of Israelis and Americans. We also had a smaller Shabbat dinner there. It was very pleasant to cook and eat with people in the way good friends do.
Yesterday, I went on a spectacular trip to Caesarea, the Carmel Winery, and Zichron Yaakov. I have no profound thoughts on any of those places but I would definitely recommend them. Caesarea was very beautiful and historically complex. Standing in a place with so much history and so many stories was powerful. Carmel Winery was also powerful but in a very different way. We had a nice wine tasting on empty stomachs. Not the best planning but it was very fun. After that, we were given time to eat some delicious felafel in Zichron Yaakov. We were led on a short tour. It was a nice little town to walk around and eat some food. If you ever happen to be in the area and looking for an easy going afternoon trip with some history thrown in, I would advice you go to Zichron Yaakov.
Today Emma and I walked to a Mosorti (similar to Conservative in America) synagogue in Horev Center, Haifa called Moriah Congregation. The walk totaled almost an hour each way. Even though we were tired, the weather was very nice and the walk was well worth it. We arrived at the synagogue in time for the Torah service. After services they had a nice Tu B'Shvat Seder and a potluck lunch. We stayed and sat with an American who made "aliyah" to Israel with her children and Israeli husband. It was an enjoyable way to spend Shabbat. If I were staying in Haifa, I think I would find myself going there often but I will never find out because this Thursday I take my final exam and move out of my dorm room.
*******************************************************************************
I said "I am ready," a couple of weeks ago and was very wrong. This time, I do not hold such delusions. I do, however, have a firm belief that I am ready to leave here. If I stayed much longer I would not have the strength to leave my new friends and my new-found comfort with Haifa. I know that moving forward will be what is best for me. By traveling I will have a more well-rounded experience. By attending Ben Gurion University I will learn the most Hebrew and will get to know a new place better.
After what I have learned here, I will try my best to move forward knowing that "Who I am is quite enough."
Friday, February 3, 2012
Bizness
"I say, Get up, stand up, get up, stand up, get on it."
I am going to start off with the most important piece of business: Food. I can proudly say that I successfully went grocery shopping on Sunday! Three girls from Ulpan and I managed to take the bus to a mall with a supermarket. I bought a ton of food and spent way to much money for it. Although I have buyer's remorse, I am happy that I have been eating a lot healthier this week. At least now I am doing well in the food department and I know what to do for next time to be a smarter shopper here. I have also learned from my roommates how to use the kitchen and what items I should buy next time. In addition, they have shared many meals with me this week. These food related experiences are vital for my cultural immersion.
I cannot boast the same success with my goal to use more Hebrew. Homework from Ulpan has consumed most of my free time. It also, unfortunately, has produced a lot of resentment. Even though I still love Hebrew, I am having a hard time separating my negitive feelings for my class from the language itself. To tell you the truth, my negativity has become a bit of a problem. I know there is at least one person that is getting annoyed with how much I have been fixating on bad feelings toward my class. Learning Hebrew is my main reason for studying in Israel. Because of that and my general obsession with doing well in school, I have focused a lot of my energy into Ulpan. I have learned new grammar but not enough new vocabulary. Our midterm on Thursday proved that. I studied all the words she told us to memorize and I knew the grammar relatively well too. Still, none of that could help me when I could not understand the meaning of the sentences I was reading. It was impossible to fill in the blank with the vocabulary words or prepositions I had studied, when I could not read the sentences. That is not something I really can study. I think the best thing I can do is to stop taking my class so seriously. Trying my best is all that I can expect of myself. Letting it effect my mood prevents me from completing my goal to speak more Hebrew. So for this upcoming week my new goal is to get out more. To speak more. To get on it.
Although I have not been speaking as much as I should, I have been listening to more Hebrew. When I am with roommates they switch between Hebrew and English. Surprisingly, I often understand what they say in Hebrew but I cannot respond quickly. I believe that the more I listen to them the easier it will be for me to speak like them. Right now when I speak Hebrew they cannot easily understand me. I have no doubt that if I keep listening and starting trying harder I will be able to communicate better. It is also notable and promising that I spoke the most Hebrew to them so far just last night. We went to a club together and stayed out until four in the morning. It was awesome to spend time in Haifa with Israelis.
I am having a lot less friend-making anxiety this week. My roommates are very nice, funny, generous, and energetic. They are very different from my international friends here and my American friends at home. It took a while to get used to how blunt they are and how much they argue. Now I see past those cultural differences and can see what great people they are. I like to spend time with them because they speak Hebrew but I also because I really enjoy their company. This week I have been in my apartment enjoying time with my roommates a majority of the time I am not in class. I have made some American friends as well. I am not super close with any of them but I am close enough that I know I could find somebody to go places with and to spend time with if I am lonely. In general, people on my program are friendly.
As Shabbat approaches, I am feeling some anxiety about getting my Ulpan midterm back and about my backpacking trip that is beginning in two weeks. There is not anything I can do about the midterm except remind myself that the grade does not really matter and that what is important is that I am learning. The trip, however, is something I can control better. I need to keep reading my travel book and make some decisions. Soon I hope to be able to post a tentative itinerary here.
As you can probably tell, I feel much better this week. That became very obvious to me when I went through my last post to finally edit it. After reading this post, I hope you see the progress I have made. Thank you to everybody who offered words of support either here, on Facebook, or on Skype. It really helped me to remain hopeful going into this past week. It was that hope that made my progress possible.
I am going to start off with the most important piece of business: Food. I can proudly say that I successfully went grocery shopping on Sunday! Three girls from Ulpan and I managed to take the bus to a mall with a supermarket. I bought a ton of food and spent way to much money for it. Although I have buyer's remorse, I am happy that I have been eating a lot healthier this week. At least now I am doing well in the food department and I know what to do for next time to be a smarter shopper here. I have also learned from my roommates how to use the kitchen and what items I should buy next time. In addition, they have shared many meals with me this week. These food related experiences are vital for my cultural immersion.
I cannot boast the same success with my goal to use more Hebrew. Homework from Ulpan has consumed most of my free time. It also, unfortunately, has produced a lot of resentment. Even though I still love Hebrew, I am having a hard time separating my negitive feelings for my class from the language itself. To tell you the truth, my negativity has become a bit of a problem. I know there is at least one person that is getting annoyed with how much I have been fixating on bad feelings toward my class. Learning Hebrew is my main reason for studying in Israel. Because of that and my general obsession with doing well in school, I have focused a lot of my energy into Ulpan. I have learned new grammar but not enough new vocabulary. Our midterm on Thursday proved that. I studied all the words she told us to memorize and I knew the grammar relatively well too. Still, none of that could help me when I could not understand the meaning of the sentences I was reading. It was impossible to fill in the blank with the vocabulary words or prepositions I had studied, when I could not read the sentences. That is not something I really can study. I think the best thing I can do is to stop taking my class so seriously. Trying my best is all that I can expect of myself. Letting it effect my mood prevents me from completing my goal to speak more Hebrew. So for this upcoming week my new goal is to get out more. To speak more. To get on it.
Although I have not been speaking as much as I should, I have been listening to more Hebrew. When I am with roommates they switch between Hebrew and English. Surprisingly, I often understand what they say in Hebrew but I cannot respond quickly. I believe that the more I listen to them the easier it will be for me to speak like them. Right now when I speak Hebrew they cannot easily understand me. I have no doubt that if I keep listening and starting trying harder I will be able to communicate better. It is also notable and promising that I spoke the most Hebrew to them so far just last night. We went to a club together and stayed out until four in the morning. It was awesome to spend time in Haifa with Israelis.
I am having a lot less friend-making anxiety this week. My roommates are very nice, funny, generous, and energetic. They are very different from my international friends here and my American friends at home. It took a while to get used to how blunt they are and how much they argue. Now I see past those cultural differences and can see what great people they are. I like to spend time with them because they speak Hebrew but I also because I really enjoy their company. This week I have been in my apartment enjoying time with my roommates a majority of the time I am not in class. I have made some American friends as well. I am not super close with any of them but I am close enough that I know I could find somebody to go places with and to spend time with if I am lonely. In general, people on my program are friendly.
As Shabbat approaches, I am feeling some anxiety about getting my Ulpan midterm back and about my backpacking trip that is beginning in two weeks. There is not anything I can do about the midterm except remind myself that the grade does not really matter and that what is important is that I am learning. The trip, however, is something I can control better. I need to keep reading my travel book and make some decisions. Soon I hope to be able to post a tentative itinerary here.
As you can probably tell, I feel much better this week. That became very obvious to me when I went through my last post to finally edit it. After reading this post, I hope you see the progress I have made. Thank you to everybody who offered words of support either here, on Facebook, or on Skype. It really helped me to remain hopeful going into this past week. It was that hope that made my progress possible.
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