Life Is Wonderful

"La la la la la la la life is wonderful. Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle."

Sometimes it is nice to stop and think about how lucky I am to be here, in Israel. My routine may be stressful, difficult, or boring at times but I get to wake everyday speaking Hebrew in the Jewish State. This program I am on now was not even conceivable one hundred years ago. I am in Israel. The Israel. Like in the Torah. The one that I learned about in religious school and one that I see on the news. Except here, on the ground so to speak, there are real modern people living their lives. They are not just an ancient civilization, pioneers working the land, or war hungry combatants. They are students with families. They too like "Dancing With the Stars" and they also sit around on Friday nights drinking with their friends. 

The past two weeks have not been particularly out of the ordinary but I have been trying to acknowledge, as best as I can, how wonderful life is. Now when I want to be lazy and lock myself in my room, I don't. I get my homework done and I go out. One night I rushed through grammatical exercises to go to a concert on the lawn of the dorms and a big block party in the city. After class on Thursday I went to an Indian lunch buffet, sat around the pool, and watched an Israeli movie with my friends. I think all the little things add up. The more time I spend out there in the real world speaking Hebrew, the more I will learn.

Eight notable things since my last post: 1) I went to my first volunteer's meeting at Beit Enosh, 2) I went on a trip to Mitzpe Ramon, 3) my apartment was infested by cockroaches 4) I visited my roommate's family, 5) I sat in on classes at a dance studio here, 6) I met with the mayor of Be'er Sheva, 7) I celebrated Lag B'Omer (The 33rd Day of Counting the Omer) Israeli style and, 8) I went on a painfully awkward tour of Neighborhood Dalet (D). 

Beit Enosh is a community center for the mentally ill in Be'er Sheva. I have been volunteering there for five weeks now. At the volunteer's meeting I got to listen into a debate style discussion on the role of Beit Enosh. Most of the volunteers there are psychology students. Thus, the conversation quickly turned into a discussion of if "normal" exists and if it is really possible to rehabilitate people. Is it politically correct to say that somebody is "sick" if they are struggling with mental illness? We discuss these same issues in the United States but our terminology is different and our outlook is too. I plan on, once all is said and done with my volunteering at Beit Enosh, to write my thoughts on the differences I see in their approach to help people with mental illness from a more "American" approach.

Mitzphe Ramon is a natural site I have been wanting to see for awhile. It is absolutely beautiful and a very fun place to hike. I have been missing hiking and adventures lately so it was really nice to get out. After the trip, which was organized by the Student Union, we ate and danced a bit at another one of the student villages (this one was in Dimona).

I really do not want to detail what happened with the cockroaches. I think it will suffice to say that it was disgusting and overwhelming but the exterminator came and now haven't seen a cockroach in three days. 

Jordan, my roommate, invited me to her home in Kfar Saba for Shabbat. I got to walk around the city a little but with her, eat Shabbat dinner at her boyfriend's house, go out with her friends at night, and eat lunch with her family on Shabbat day. I had a really good time. It was nice to be with families and people of all ages instead of the college crowd that surrounds me here.

Visiting Bat Dor, a dance school here in Be'er Sheva, was like entering the twilight zone. The classes were so simular to the classes I took as a child. The big difference was the language. The teachers were all immigrants so Hebrew is not their first language. In the Ballet class the teach spoke Hebrew, French (for the names of the steps), English (to count), and Russian (because that is his first language). It was interesting to see how they could use so many languages at once. Most of all, it was nice to see that everywhere you go a Ballet class looks about the same. I am looking forward to seeing a performance of their elite group tomorrow.

Last, but certainly not least, I had the pleasure of meeting with the mayor of Be'er Sheva this week. We had a relatively informal conversation about the city and Israel in general. He was extremely charismatic and I really appreciated hearing his thoughts on the city. 

For Lag B'Omer, a holiday falling on the thirty-third day of the counting the the Omer (I am too lazy to explain more than that so here is link to wikipedia if you are curious), I went to big bonfire in the backyard of a friend of a friend's house. We ate a traditional and delicious mix of vegetables, wine, sauce, and rice that was cooked in a cast iron kettle on the fire.

My academic tour of Neighborhood D was not particularly interesting but was very uncomfortable. We visted a couple of religious schools and walked through some rough neighborhoods for almost three hours. In true Israeli fashion, my professor openly talked about how two people were on narcotics as we stood only a couple of feet away. He also told a group of students that because they are Mizrahim (Jews from the Middle East and Africa) and not Ashkenazim (Jews from Europe) they are not really the core of the society and they could be expelled like he was. Basically, it was excruciatingly uncomfortable to be on this tour. I learned more about Israeli society from his behavior than from what I observed in the neighborhood.

I could say that my life is pretty routine here right now but I could also choose stand back and appreciate all the little things that make each day special. I am trying to do the latter as often as I can. I just list listed eight interesting things that happened on eight different days in the span of less than two weeks! My life here may not be perfect but I have a lot to be thankful for, Sometimes my efforts to be appreciative are thwarted by people trying to judge my decision to be on this program but I refuse to let them bring me down. Yes, it is weird that I have to, in essence, ignore all of the International Students who do not speak Hebrew. Yes, sometimes I cry. Yes, sometimes I wish I had more friends here. But I also know that I would never be able to learn as much Hebrew as I have so far if I was on another program. I need to think about all the nice things I am doing instead of focusing on the negatives. Life is wonderful and with a positive attitude it could be even better.

One Hand In My Pocket

"What it all comes down to, my friends, is that everything is just fine, fine, fine."

It has been quite some time since I have written here. As far as I can tell, this is mostly because I have become used to my routine here since returning from Passover break. This blog has always been a place for me to document my travels and, right now, I am not really traveling. That being said, I still think that there is room for me to share some of the things I have been doing lately.

I am much happier living in Israel now then I have been throughout my adventure. Traveling here was always what I looked forward to but living here has been more challenging for me. It feels like I have overcome my difficulties now and Be'er Sheva has become a comfortable place for me. I go to classes, I do a lot of homework, I volunteer at Beit Enosh (Humane House), I pray, eat, and listen to lectures Beit Carrov (Close House), I go on short trips with the Student Union, I spend time with my lovely roommate Yarden, I run every so often, and I sometimes go to a party. In essence, I have formed a pretty normal student lifestyle here.

My self esteem is very much in the gutter when it comes to Hebrew but I keep forcing myself to push forward and I think my outlook is improving because of it. Some milestones for me have occurred. I now understand people 80 percent of the time! My big problem is that I cannot properly respond. It is still awesome that I can watch a play (I have seen two plays at the Be'er Sheva theater, "Why Didn't You Come Before the War?" and "Nora") or a lecture and understand it. I have also noticed that I can write and read with more ease now. My progress seems slow in comparison to other people but I am starting to accept that I cannot change who I am. If this is the speed I learn, this is the speed I learn.

Part of what has helped me to be more accepting of myself is my volunteer work. Beit Enosh is a place for people with mental health problems to come together and do activities. It is a place of empowerment and community. I volunteer from 4-7pm every Tuesday. I have found it to be a safe space for me to practice me Hebrew and not feel judged. The people are really nice and willing to help me. In a couple of weeks I hope to teach the weekly dance activity. I am preparing a Powerpoint about tap dance and teaching myself how to explain basic moves in Hebrew.

Another reason I have been feeling better has been the amount of encouragement I receive from those around me in my daily life. Meital, a amazing friend who graduated high school early and decided to come here for a semester, always helps me to understand things and tells me about interesting activities she hears about. It is because of her that I go to Beit Carrov and it is also because of her that I found an amazing Kabbalat Shabbat (a prayer service just for the evening of Shabbat to welcome the day of rest) to go to last night with instruments and people of more simular ideology to mine. Another thing I loved about the service is that it was held in a second-hand clothing store in a permanent tent on a plot of public land where the neighborhood also has a free clothing of lesser quality and a shared garden. Very cool stuff in my opinion. Meital is also the way I found an amazing clothing store in the Old City here. For the first time since I got here I bought clothing. I may have went a little crazy spending seventy US dollars but I did get a dress, two skirts, pants, and a shirt. I really do love Israeli clothing.

Lately I have spent more time with Israelis than ever before. This past week I played basketball with Israelis, sat and watched "Game of Thrones" with my roommate, played cards with her and her boyfriend, and I enjoyed the company of people at Beit Carrov both for dinner and lunch this Shabbat. I have noticed that my energy and tolerance for doing a lot of things in Hebrew in once day has increased. A really awesome observation I have made is that the things I am learning in my classes on Israeli society from a sociological perspective and on film and media in Israel are actually extremely relevant to my interactions with Israelis. I am starting to get a better understanding of the greater Israeli society and its cultural diversity. I can now compare the gay guy from an Orthodox background who does not fit in, especially in an army setting, to a very average boy from a Kibbutz (communal living community) up north and see the societal normatives at play between them. This is the first time I have ever really been able to observe a culture outside of my own in such an authentic way. 

Speaking of Israeli society, it is important to note that three holidays have come and gone since I last wrote. The first was Yom Ha'Shoah. Yom Ha'Shoah is a day remembering the Holocaust. There was a ceremony on campus and I also went to a play with a Holocaust theme, "Lama lo ba'at lefneh ha'melchamah?'' ("Why Didn't You Come Before the War?"). A week later was Yom Ha'zikaron (Memorial Day). The night before Erev (the night of) Yom Ha'zikaron (so two days before Yom Ha'zikaron) I went to a sad sing-along concert. It was sad because we sung depressing songs but the music was absolutely beautiful. That day I went to another ceremony on campus. The Erev (the night of) Yom Ha'zikaron I went to a lecture at Beit Carrov. I love Beit Carrov as a community to pray and eat but I don't agree with their nationalist view of Judaism. In the course of this lecture I was told that there is no place for Jews outside of Israel. The Diaspora is done and we should be here, in our homeland Israel. It was, to say the least, awkward. The next night was the beginning of Yom Ha'Atzmaut (Independence Day). The holidays fall one day after the other to make for a beautiful analogy about death and life. I went to Beit Carrov again because I wanted to observe how they pray on Yom Ha'Atzmaut. For them it is also a religious holiday. They signify that by doing special prayers specifically for Yom Ha'Atzmaut. Afterward we ate falafel...making sitting through the whole thing entirely worth it. I walked off the grease while wandering around the city that night. It was a lot like the Fourth of July. There were a ton of parties and fireworks and people were joyous.

Joyous might be too strong a word to describe how I feel right now but I do feel good. Writing this post has been very cathartic for me. It is nice to reflect on how good of a time I am having. Often I am so focused on the papers I do not want to write and how much I miss Brandeis University or my family and friends in New Jersey to remember how wonderful of an opportunity this is. My time here can be difficult to enjoy when all the time I am asked if I want to make Aliyah (immigrate or "go up" to Israel) and through that question I am forced to articulate what I want for the future. The truth is, I have no clue. Most likely I will not make Aliyah. But, it is really okay with me that I am not sure. I refuse to believe that at twenty years old I need to have it all figured out. For now I am determined to just enjoy the journey.

Relax, Take It Easy

"Relax, take it easy. For there is nothing that we can do."

As I enjoyed a Mika sing-along at the hostel by Masada with my friends, I could not help but think how different my trip to the Dead Sea and to climb Masada was this time around. I was with an unlikely assortment of friends from a variety of backgrounds instead of with just people of relatively similar backgrounds to my own. Most importantly, nobody could make me wear an ugly hat. That also meant that nobody was there to save me from the creepy large old man who asked me to rub natural mud we found in Ein Gedi on his back.  You have to take the good with the bad when it comes to traveling. It is impossible to know what surprises await you around every corner. When I left the United States, these kinds of adventures were exactly what I was perusing.

My trip followed the basic itinerary that we had planned. The first part was, as mentioned before, to the Dead Sea and Masada. My friends from Haifa arrived to Be'er Sheva on Tuesday night, we left Wednesday to go to the Dead Sea, we hiked Masada in time to see the sunrise on Thursday, we visited the beautiful Botanical "Gardens" of Ein Gedi (the flowers were not really in a garden, they were actually just all over the kibbutz) in the afternoon, and afterward we returned to Be'er Sheva. That night we joined a friend of my to search for Chametz (bread) in her apartment. In the process of burning what we found we also burned her table. To add to that night's unfortunate events, I also managed to lose my phone somewhere in the dorms. I have a bizarre, and perhaps paranoid, suspicion that some of the cats that surrounded our nighttime Chametz picnic that night may have found it and made it their toy.

For Passover we went to a Seder run by Chabad on campus. It was a nice gathering of misfits. Other than that, we did not do much during the duration of the first day of Passover/Shabbat except eat some of my favorite Passover goodies like macarons, matzah brie, and matzah pizza.

On Sunday we made or way to Jerusalem for the day. There we randomly ran into a friend from Brandeis on the bus as we were on our way to get me a new phone. She happened to be going to the phone company as well and she was also traveling to Tiberius that day. We took advantage of that huge coincidence to spend the day together. Jerusalem was full of people and delicious food. I got to eat my first kosher for Passover meal in a restaurant and I even got a cup of ice cream after. It was unreal. This theme continued throughout our trip. I never really got used to how all around me there were a plethora of options and how people across the religious spectrum were sitting in the sun enjoying some matzah. It almost felt too easy. Even when I only ate food without kitniyot it still was not very difficult. The food seemed a little strange to me at times. How can a fluffy roll be kosher for Passover?

Tiberius was also packed. The whole city was bustling with tourists and Israelis. To our dismay, it was not as easy as we had hoped to travel to other spots in the Galilee and Golan from the so-called "hub". I refused to let that stop me from having an adventure and I, therefore, made the decision to do a solo bike trip around the Kinneret (65 km or approximately 40 miles). Although I did not get to do any of the hikes I wanted to do, see the archaeological sites, or have some kind of water adventure in the Jordan river, I did get to pass by all of the places I have read and heard about on my bike. This afforded me with a lovely view, people watching opportunities, and a better understand of the lay of the land. On a vacation that had a lot of down time, it was nice to get away and get some exercise.

On Wednesday we saw the sun rise over the Kinneret and set over the Mediterranean Sea in Haifa. The beauty of the sun was slightly outshined by our frantic shopping and cooking to prepare a Freedom Seder in my friend's apartment for Thursday night. I was skeptical about the idea because of all the planning and time it required but, in the end, celebrating the holiday and thinking about both ancient and modern injustice was the perfect way to end the holiday. Being in Israel for Passover was definitely a new experience. I was not totally prepared for how different it would feel or how much I would miss my friends and family. Ending the holiday with nice people and familiar food was extremely comforting.

This break was an interesting test of my resolve to speak Hebrew even when I am not in Be'er Sheva. It has been difficult to keep speaking Hebrew with my international friends in Haifa. That is especially true when there are people around who do not speak English. The refusal of certain people to speak to me in Hebrew is eye-opening. I can relate to the fact that perhaps they are intimidated or afraid. It is more difficult for me to grasp how they actually will do slightly rude things to avoid me because, I am assuming, they really do not want to use Hebrew. On the bright side, I do not need to take part in a ton of small talk and it gives me a little confidence boost that my Hebrew is good enough to confuse other people studying Hebrew. When I am with my close friends here I have been speaking half Hebrew and half English. It has been enough that I have still learned some things since vacation started and have not forgotten anything but it is not enough that I feel I have truly succeeded in maintaining my language pledge to speak only Hebrew when possible.

I am excited to return to Be'er Sheva after Shabbat ends. I really want to jump back into pushing myself to learn Hebrew. I am really hoping that I can convince myself to try more new things. I only have eleven weeks left! By the end of that time I want to be able to say that I saw what I wanted to see and that I learned as much Hebrew as I could. There are many day trip adventures for Be'er Sheva that I would like to do and I have plenty of Hebrew to study. I think I have relaxed enough for now.

אנשים טובים (good people)

"אנשים טובים יודעים את הדרך ואיתם אפשר לצעוד" (Good people know the way and it is possible to walk with them.)


Some aspects of my life in Be'er Sheva have become relatively routine. First, there are classes. My body automatically walks to the correct building for class every morning (Sunday through Thursday). Each morning I begin with an hour and half of Hebrew class. My teacher, Irit, is kind and very skilled. Each day Hannah or I give a presentation. She teaches us words related to the subject we present. Afterward, we learn some grammer and/or read a story. If there is time we might watch a movie or sing songs. On Sundays and Tuesdays I have two other classes in the afternoon. Israeli Society is taught by a religious, Jewish, politically conservative, middle-aged man. We talk about Israel from a sociological perspective. The class is mostly informal. The professor asks us a lot of questions and expresses a lot of opinions about the society here. I find the course to be interesting (it links very very well with my interest in social justice for Israel) but thus far it is very basic. Our professor spends a lot of time talking about simple concepts, for example demographics, as if we do not understand him. The class is just three people and the two other students both speak Hebrew better than me. If I can understand him and I am getting frustrated with his constant desire to explain everything excruciatingly slow, I cannot imagine how they feel. Fortunately, my second class is moving at a much quicker pace. We are studying film and media in Israel. I am learning fun words and phrases like "identity" and the "melting pot". After classes I usually have plenty of homework to do. I spend a significant amount of time doing exercises, reading, and writing in Hebrew. Outside of my studies I tend to relax by cooking and keeping in touch with friends and family via Skype. I have also gone to fitness classes (my favorite being Zumba) in the dorm I live in. I know all the important things like where to buy groceries, how to get to the market, and I can basically navigate the area surrounding the university. I am really happy that I am starting to feel more at home here.


There other aspects of my life that make this experience much more of an adventure than a routine. Last week I went on a bike trip with the Student Union here. This week I went on another trip with them to see an area with a lot of flowers and to watch the sun set. The bike trip was great exercise but it was very hilly and was, therefore, little scary. The walking trip was also scary but in a different way. There was a lot of forced mingling on the trip and it required me and my friends to interact with particularly flirtatious Israeli men. A group of them were very amused that I would not speak English to them and made a game out of trying to force me to speak to them. Otherwise they were very nice. They even helped me to climb a frightening ladder to reach the top of an old look out tower. After sunset we had dinner and a dance in a student village close to Be'er Sheva. It was nice to dance and spend time with Israelis but I was not fond of how touchy they were getting. One Israeli friend of mine actually asked me if we were okay or if we needed him to help us. We did not take him up on the offer but we did leave the party on the first bus back to campus. 


I went to another party this week called "beer and singing" (rough translation). From what I understand, it is a common type of party in Israel. I was invited by my Israeli friend (the same one mentioned above) that I made through a program connecting foreign students to Israelis. The party consisted of one hundred or so college students in the backyard of somebody's house in a residential area on a Tuesday night. A band, couches, and straw mats were set up outside. A white sheet was tied between a tree and the fence. They projected the lyrics to each song the band played unto the sheet. All the songs were old famous Israeli songs. In the back of the house, there was a cut-out counter where they served beer. All around people were smoking, drinking, talking, singing, and dancing. It was the most authentically Israeli party I have attended. At around midnight the band stopped playing and most people cleared out. We stayed a while and mingled. Meanwhile, somebody played acoustic guitar to small circle of people. On the way back to our dorm we picked up some pizza and talked some more. It was very possibly the most fun I have had in Be'er Sheva.

This Shabbat was also especially fun. I spent it at a student village named Ashalim in the Negev. The village is part of an organization called Ayalim.  Their mission is to populate the "periphery" with students. In the case of Israel the periphery is the area people do not currently live. For example, the Galilee, Negev, and Golan. It can be challenging to live in an unpopulated area where you need to build yourself and plan a village yourself. Students living there through Ayalim receive free transportation to their university, subsidized housing, and a scholarship for their studies. In return they volunteer and help build these villages. The students who choose to live there want to help realize Ben Gurion's dream of making the desert bloom. The idea of these villages is that these students may choose to continue to live in the periphery once they see that they can do it and once they meet other young people that want to do it with them. It was amazing to see what the students in Ashalim have built in nine years. I stayed in a house that they built a year ago. It was definitely not perfect but I cannot even begin to imagine how much pride the students feel living in place they designed. Although they have accomplished a lot, the students were humble. I was part of a group of foreign students and a couple of Israelis to join the village for services (they have a Rabbi), a potluck Shabbat dinner, a walk in the empty desert surrounding their village, and an open dialogue. It was both an informative and relaxing Shabbat. I was incredibly impressed by them and their hospitality. I have reservations about Zionist organizations settling in Israel because of the reality that Israel is not currently an exclusively Jewish state; however, I think that the people in Ashalim are actually quiet open-minded. It was also beautiful to see secular and religious people with very different ideologies living together and working together. Visiting Ashalim was for me a refreshing taste of what Israel, in my opinion, should and could be.

Today I was officially accepted as a volunteer for Beit Enosh. Beit Enosh is a place where people with mental illnesses can socialize and be rehabilitated. They are given the freedom to come and go as they please. In the morning and afternoon they can choose to join activities where they are taught skills to help them be functional and happy members of society. The people who work there are also available to help people organize outings. Their building in Be'er Sheva is just a couple minutes from my dorm. I will be volunteering there three hours a week. Today I went to have an orientation interview with the man who oversees the volunteers. I was was ecstatic when I learned that my duties will include assisting in a dance activity they do every week! 

I am excited to get started at Beit Enosh but I will not be beginning until after the Passover break. Emma and Rebekah, my friends who are currently studying in Haifa, are coming to Be'er Sheva on Tuesday. (We are reuniting the dream team after a month apart).  On Wednesday we are traveling, along with a friend I made here, to the Dead Sea, staying near Masada that night, and climbing Masada in the morning. We will return to Be'er Sheva on Thursday night. Friday night is Passover. We are still not 100 percent sure on our plan for the Seder but we have many options. On Sunday we are traveling, along with a friend of Emma, to Jerusalem for the day and then to the Galilee/Golan (using Tiberias as a jumping off point) until Thursday. Thursday morning we want to see the sun rise on the Kinnert and travel to the West to see it set on the Mediterranean Sea. I will spend Shabbat with Emma and Rebekah in Haifa and travel back to Be'er Sheva in time for my classes on Sunday.

As you can imagine, between classes, homework, volunteering, and trips, I am speaking a lot of Hebrew at this point. Everyday speaking Hebrew is less exhausting than the day before. There is still a lot for me to learn and it is difficult for me to see the improvement I have made. Though I can tell that I really am really learning when I am able to have complex and candid conversations with Israelis and when I can understand newspaper articles in Hebrew. Against my nature and my best efforts, I have had to become accustomed to making embarrassing mistakes. I have grown a thicker skin and now I am much more willing to sound like an idiot than ever before. I have had the fortune of meeting very kind and understanding people who do not judge me...too much. Every time somebody compliments my Hebrew, I feel a little bit better and regain a piece of my confidence back. It is a testament to the kindness of my new friends and acquaintances that I have done so many cool things this week and that I have been able to advance my Hebrew speaking skills. 

Shalom Aleichem/Calling All Angels

"I need to know that things are going to look up..."

I have been avoiding writing this post. Mostly because I have been having a difficult time sorting out my feelings. My time here has taught me that it is easy to avoid facing the truth when you cannot explain it to anybody around you because of a language barrier (thank you, language immersion(?)). The act of writing these posts, however, is quiet self-reflective for me. It demands me to look at myself and my situation as clearly as I can. I was not prepared to do that until now.

The basic story since last week is that there were rockets coming from Gaza. They started just after I wrote my last post. I was alone here in my dorm when I heard the alarm go off. I did not know where the nearest shelter was but the head of my program swiftly called me to make sure I was okay. It was unexpected. Perhaps a bit jarring. Yet, I was not scared. It happened once more that night and once more in the morning. I became very used to the routine of hearing the alarm and walking to the shelter closest to my room. Classes for Sunday were canceled. More rockets were sent. Then classes for Monday were canceled. They decided to evacuate us and all the other foreign students. We stayed in Tel Aviv for two days because of the situation. We returned on Wednesday and began classes. Some more rockets were sent once on Wednesday and once on Thursday (when I was walking back from class -- but no worries, I took shelter in a radioactive lab). Since then there have not been any. The seise fire is firmly in effect for now.

In Be'er Sheva, we got to experience the fear created by being in a truly unsure place. It was unlike anything I have ever felt before and I think that it was good life experience. Unfortunately, one girl from my program was too upset by the situation to stay here. Although I understand how she feels, I must stress that I am in no serious danger here. Most of the rockets do not hurt anybody. When people do get hurt it is because they are not in shelters. Admittedly, I do relate to her a bit on the emotional level. The word trauma sounds too strong to my ears but I am feeling something along those lines. I have been a bit jumpy and moody; however, what really worries me is how surreal everything feels right now. The whole situation seems like it happened to somebody else and somewhere else. I am hoping time will help me to feel a little better.

A lot people have asked me about my thoughts on the situation both sociologically and politically. Seeing the reactions of Israelis is really interesting on a both levels. They seem mostly unbothered by the situation. They also do not seem particularly critical of the army for committing the assassination of the terrorist that was the impetus of this current round of fighting. For me it is strange that students do not want to wait the 10 minutes in the shelter that they are supposed to. It is also hard to understand how it is okay here, in the Middle East, to simply assassinate people and not expect repercussions. Of course, I understand that they felt it was a security issue to let him alive. Except I cannot help but think that acting in a violent way that you know will cause more violence is just as dangerous. The logic of the politics and military here do not sit comfortably for me. On another topic with simular themes, I have also been having a difficult time comprehending why Israeli politicians are crying out for war with Iran. What I have been seeing and hearing here are upsetting and discouraging to me. I want peace. I want people to want to work toward peace with diplomatic measures. Sometimes it feels like that dream is completely unrealistic here. Other times, Israelis amaze me by going against the grain. Heartwarming campaigns such as, "We <3 You," give me hope for the future of this country. "We <3 You" is a viral Israeli Facebook campaign to Iranians saying that "We love you. We will never bomb you"(see more here). I also feel a bit better when I hear students talking about the rockets and discussing how it makes them feel. They do not do it very often from what I have observed and they have never discussed the politics of it in my presence, but simply talking about it is better than seeing it as an acceptable part of life here.

Because of what happend I have not had a lot of classes at this point. So, it is impressive that I am already convinced my classes will be really great. My teachers are nice and interesting. The classes are potentially going to be difficult for me but as long as they remain interesting I think it will be worth it. I have been getting frustrated. I think that is simply a byproduct of my language low-self esteem and that is what I came to Israel to fix. So far the potential to learn and grow here seems never-ending. Because I just begun my classes, I am going to hold off on the details about what I am learning for now.


Some other things that have happened since my last post:

- I met one of my roommates. She is really nice and lets me use everything in the kitchen. She also studies Psychology. We had a lengthy conversation about what I do in America and about my thoughts on Israel. It was very nice to speak one on one in a quiet place without pressure.

- I have spent a significant amount of time with Israelis. Notably, we spent Shabbat dinner with a nice family. It was really exciting to observe what a normal Friday night was like for them. It was also fun to watch Israeli television with Israelis.

- I went to a place called Engosh House to see about volunteer opportunities. It is a place that helps rehabilitate people with mental health issues. They teach life skills, do activities together, and send in-house help. The women I spoke with was very nice and said that the language barrier will not stop me from being able to lend a hand. I am still thinking on it but there is a high possibility that I will volunteer there.

- I did Zumba. It was pretty funny to do it in a Hebrew speaking environment. The depressing part is that it made me realize that I left my sneakers in Tel Aviv. The hostel did not find them. So I need to buy some new ones. Hopefully I will do that before tomorrow because I am going on a long bike trip with the Student Union here!


My reluctance to write this post was not just due to my confused feelings toward the security situation here. Despite the fact that I have met people and been doing new things every day, I have not been entirely socially comfortable or happy here. Spending time with Israelis is hard for me. I have to use all of my concentration to understand what they are saying and I have trouble responding quickly or with proper grammer. If I am in pub with Israelis, it is hard to hear. If they talk about things using vocabulary I don't know, I do not want to be annoying and ask all the time. This is not a path for those who need to know what is going on all the time. I have had some quality conversations but I have also had frustrating ones. I think it is all part of the learning experience. I just hope that with time things will get easier and that as things get easier I will be happier.

Loca People

"Viva la fiesta."

I hope all of you who celebrated Purim had a fun time! I sure did ;) For those of you that do not know the Jewish holiday Purim, it is a holiday in which people get dressed up and celebrate the story of Queen Ester and the survival of the Jewish people. It is a bit like Mardi Gras and Halloween combined...but more about that later.

My first week in Beer Sheva and my Hebrew emersion program have been better than I expected. My Hebrew is still pretty terrible but it is definitely good enough to speak with people for short periods of time. Talking to the two other girls on my program is especially easy because they are in the same boat as me and they are very patient. I am still not comfortable enough to strike up conversations in Hebrew with strangers but I think that will come in time. Generally, I am not all that frustrated. I also feel like I have already been learning more here than I was learning in Haifa. That is a really great feeling. It validates my decision to come here.

The man in charge of my program, Tomer, met us at the train station on Monday. Since then he has showed us around the city and campus, took us to dinner, helped us to set up everything we need on campus, and administered a Hebrew exam. He is very nice and extremely helpful. Here is an example: I am alone this weekend because the two other girls went to Haifa to pick up some stuff they left there last semester. This morning Tomer called me and asked if I wanted to go grocery shopping. In the car he told me about things I could do this weekend. He did not want me to be lonely or bored. Because of his prompting, I went to the Old City and the market this afternoon. It was nice to see the city alone for the first time. I am not going to go to the student Shabbat dinner that he suggested because I think I will feel uncomfortable going alone. Instead I have planed a delicious Mediterranean/Middle Eastern themed meal. I will eating roasted eggplant with tahini, quinoa with olives and feta cheese, Israeli salad, and pita with hummus. Tomorrow morning I plan on walking an hour each way to the Mezorti (Conservative) synagogue here. Hopefully, it will be worth it.

Besides basic orientation, Tomer also organized for us to go to a big student party in the Old City for Purim. Some students picked us up in front of our dorm and brought us to their apartment. They fed us, gave us drinks, and took us to the party. It was packed. The whole place was decorated in a Tanakh (the Torah, Prophets, and Writings) theme. People were dressed up and having an awesome time. I enjoyed getting to go out and dance with the girls from my program. I also think that it was important for us to have the opportunity to speak in Hebrew with young Israelis. (Although with all the noise it was not easy to understand them.) We had a lot of fun. When we left at two thirty in the morning the party was still going strong.

Yesterday, Purim day, we woke up late but still made it to the carnival in the huge shopping complex of Beer Sheva called Big. There were people pretending to be statues, acrobatics, food, and games. The best part was to see all of the costumes. All week people have been walking around wearing costumes but I think many people saved their best for the carnival. There were also festivities today that I saw in the Old City at the street fair. People here take Purim very seriously.


Based my experiences so far, I think that it is going to be really fun to live in Beer Sheva. There is a very strong student life: a lot of fun workout/dance classes to take on campus, a movie theater, and it seems like people here sit around outside being social a lot. I am also planning on volunteering for five hours a week. Tomer has a couple of options of places I could potentially volunteer that relate to my major in Psychology. We are going to meet about it soon and make some decisions.

My dorm here is pretty simular to the one I had in Haifa. The major differences are that I am in a single (instead of a double) and that my kitchen has a microwave and toaster-oven. I have been cooking more extravagant dishes now that I have more tools to use. The only downside of my living situation right now is that I haven't actually met my roommates. They are on break until Sunday and I guess they all went home. The two other girls in my program both met some of their roommates but they also have some that went home. There are three other rooms in the apartment but I am not sure if there are actually three other people living here. It is not a big deal but it is a bizarre situation. I have been using the plates, pot, and pan in the kitchen but I do not know if that is okay. I guess I will find out soon enough.


Sunday I begin my classes. I will be in class Sunday though Thursday. Every day I have Hebrew for an hour and half. On Sunday and Wednesday I also have my two other classes for an hour and a half each. It really is not that much class time, in my opinion, but I definitely do not mind. My two classes are with the two girls from my program. We are taking the History of Israeli Cinema and Media and the Anthropology and Sociology of Israel. Our courses, like everything we do here, are in Hebrew. I am very excited for my classes on Sunday and to truly begin the program!

Sunshine Highway

"Take another ride."

Since my last post I have taken some long bus rides: five hours on a bus to Eilat from Jerusalem and another five hours on a bus from Eilat to Tel Aviv. Soon I will be taking a train to Haifa and another train from there to Beer Sheva. This week has been and will continue to be very travel intensive.

As my bus sped down the highway on Sunday night, some of the heaviness I felt at the end of last week drifted away. When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had entered a sunshine paradise. My time in Eilat is the closest I have ever come to having a tropical vacation. For most people the exotic resort area of Eilat includes sitting on the beach all day, shopping on the boardwalk, eating expensive food, and going out at night. These activities have never really held that much appeal to me but I knew that I could still have a good time in Eilat if I kept myself busy. After two full days I had literally done everything there was to do in the city (that was within my budget). I visited both the history and art museums, I walked along the North Shore all the way to the Coral Reef National Reserve (this path takes you along all the beaches in Eilat), I swam with dolphins at Dolphin Reef, I snorkeled and scuba dived in Eilat's Coral Reef, I hiked up to Mt. Tzfahot (where you can see Egypt and Jordan in a gorgeous desert view), and I wandered in part of the residential area. I was actually staying in an apartment, instead of a hostel, with a friend of one of my roommates from the University of Haifa. It was refreshing to have a private space, access to a television, and a kind hostess.

Eilat was fun but I think it would have been more fun if I took advantage of the opportunity to take day trips. From Eilat it is possible to go to Egypt, Jordan, and some interesting spots in the Negev desert. Unfortunately, it isn't particularly easy to do any of those things without going with an organized group. After evaluating the cost and my dislike for organized trips, I decided not to join a travel group. I could have taken buses to wherever I wanted to go but it would not have been very safe alone. I hope that one day I will have a more opportune chance see the Sinai, Petra, Timna National Park, and the Red Canyon. In the end, I decided to give myself one relaxing beach day instead of a day trip; however, the weather report told me that a bad storm was on its way. Taking that as a sign to leave, I headed for Tel Aviv.

My ride from Eilat to Tel Aviv was very different than my arriving journey. Sandstorms made visibility terrible and the drive seemed relatively dangerous. I made it to Tel Aviv unscathed but the bad weather has continued here. It has been raining the whole time but I have not let that stop me from doing a lot of walking around. I have visited the the major shopping areas, the few sites, and the Old City of Yaffo. I have enjoyed taking in a little bit of the culture here and people watching. My favorite observation was a mass of hipsters at the Antiques and Secondhand Fair in Dizengoff Square on Friday. I actually joined in on the fun by buying a cute sailor style shirt to wear for Purim (the Jewish holiday of debauchery coming up this week).

I have tried two museums I have not been to before since I have been in Tel Aviv, the Eretz Israel Museum and the Helena Rubinstein Pavilion of Contemporary Art. The former was a hodge-podge of history and archeology of Israel from ancient to contemporary civilization. Different buildings with exhibitions and outdoor displays were spread out in a park. I found it pleasant and informative but a little confusing as well. The contemporary art museum was nothing special but it was free. The current exhibit is about art in Berlin.

By far the highlight of my time in Tel Aviv has been socializing with people. On Thursday I had dinner with two Swedish girls and an Israeli guy that I met at a delicious vegan restaurant. We sat for almost two hours talking and eating. They were unique, nice people. I am glad I met them. Yesterday I spent the afternoon watching movies with guy in my dorm (a mixed dorm where I am the only girl) and afterward we went to dinner. Later that evening we played cards and had some beer with three other guys. It was a good time.

These past two weeks have gone by very fast. Traveling alone was not as difficult as I imagined it would be. I found it empowering to be able to control my schedule and itinerary all alone. My only regret is that I don't have more time to travel.

Next time you hear from me I will be finishing up my first week at Ben Gurion University in Beer Sheva. Wish me luck!

Colors of the Wind

"But still I cannot see, if the savage one is me, how can there be so much that you don't know?"

My time here in Jerusalem has been very reflective. Actually, it is one of the most reflective moments I have had in many years. The last time I was in Jerusalem I prayed for the clarity to enter a new era of my life, college. Mainly, by keeping my religion close to me in the ways that I see fit. Since that time in my life, I have spent most of my meditations focused on self-reflection; however, this time around Israel is less of a religious experience for me and more of a eye-opening experience. This Shabbat, I am not thinking about self-improvement nearly as much as I am thinking about Israel-improvement.

I have seen all of the major sites in Jerusalem and most of the lesser known sites as well. I logically decided that this time I wanted to explore areas I have not been. Instead of staying in West Jerusalem or the Jewish Quarter, I set up home in the Christian Quarter of the Old City. My goal was to visit more Christian sites and to go to "Muslim" (Palestinian) areas. Seeing the ferver of religious conviction from holy site to holy site since the moment I got here has really brought into perspective how important this city is to people of all three Abrahamic religions. It also became more clear to me how divided this city is. Just a ten minutes walk from the plaza of Western Wall, where you mostly find Hassidim, Israeli soldiers, and tourists, you can end up in areas of the Old City where the only people in sight are Arab. This area was forbidden to me in the past for safety reasons but I fear that sheltering me from these areas has only increased my curiosity now. The feeling there is much different and the people seem, at least to me, to be living in a much more difficult world. A world that I am not sure I will ever understand.

On Friday, I had the particularly interesting experience of visiting Silwan, the largest of 28 Palestinian villages in East Jerusalem, with a group organized by J Street U. I learned about the Jewish settlers and how they forcefully and unethically remove Palestinians from their homes in the name of repopulating the area surrounding Jerusalem with Jews.  The Israeli government allows for the extremist settler group Elad Organization to commit these crimes against humanity and provides police to remove people from their homes in the middle of the night. They use only mildly accurate and extremely one sided interpretations of archeological sites (particularly the "City of David") to prove their claim over a land that was not even occupied by Israel until 1967. People who live in houses that their grandparents built are forced defend themselves in court against the racist "Absentee Property Law." These people pay their taxes but are provided very few services from the municipality and cannot vote for the Knesset (Congress) members. The only park in the neighborhood Wadi Hilweh in Silwan, an area with 5,000 people, was built by an organization of the people living there, not the state. It was created on an open piece of land and was knocked down just two weeks ago by the government that should be protecting them, not hurting them. In this same neighborhood the only school they have is an after school arts program they started with their own money. I would encourage you to read up about Silwan before you visit the "City of David" archeological park that is on property taken from this village. The profits made on the site eventually go to Elad Organization. What they don't tell you at the information center is that the park is maintained by Elad Organization through a deal created between them and the Israel Antiquities Authority and that there are settlers houses on the site. Another thing the "City of David" fails to tell you is how controversial the findings on the site are. They state many theories as facts in order to promote their interests and to give reason for continuing excavation in places like the Givati Parking Lot. In the end, it is a way to justify taking land from Palestinians without compensation. I personally feel disgusted that I have visited this site twice without ever knowing the truth. If you would like to visit, I would suggest sticking to the parts of the park that are actually open to the public and taking the information of the plaques with a grain of salt.  **I am no expert on this subject and the information stated here is my opinion. Please take the time to look into this yourself if you are interested. Here is somewhere to start: Ir Amim Information Booklet on Silwan**

Please do not take what I have written as a sign that I have turned against Israel. I love Israel. I love being a Jew. I also believe in certain morals that have shaped me as a person and are being violated here. The lessons of Jewish history (i.e., all the times we have been discriminated against and treated unfairly) have led me to be very uncomfortable with the situation in Jerusalem. I had been to the City of David before and was totally oblivious to the truth behind the site. I refuse to believe that this deception and lack of concern for the well-being of others is what G-d wants. In this, the Holy City, so many unholy things happen. These occurrences are just considered routine here and are not regarded with much interest. A riot occurred on the Temple Mount yesterday and life just went on as usual. Most tourists remained completely unaware of the tensions occurring on the Mount, arguably the holiest place on Earth and the place where the Second Intifada broke out. Life goes on in the comfortable homes of West Jerusalem as the people of East Jerusalem live in fear and with anger.

As I walked back from praying with Shira Hadasha last night, I could not help to notice how much nicer West Jerusalem is compared to Silwan. I had never really thought about it before. Now I cannot help to turn my thoughts to all the other places I have visited. How about the Arab village of Old Akko that I visited on Monday? Yeah, there were some cool sites. Yeah, Hummas Siad was delicious. But what is life like there beyond the tourist attraction? What is the reality there?

The title of this post, "Colors of the Wind," is the name of a song from film Pocahontas. If you have somehow managed to avoid seeing or hearing about this well known Disney movie, let me know. I will be impressed. Pocahontas is loosely based on the story of how John Smith, a British explorer of North America, and Pocahontas, a Native American, fall in love. The song "Colors of the Wind" is sung by Pocahontas to John. She wants to know how he can be so ignorant and how he can think that "...you own whatever land you land on." Despite the glaring inaccuracies in Pocahontas, it is still part of the moral foundation laid for me when I was a child. I see many similarities to the behavior of certain Israelis toward the native people here. The explorers were like "settlers." They took what they wanted with no regard to the people they hurt in the process. I am ashamed to live in a country that grew from such injustice and I am ashamed that Israel has followed in the same footsteps. If occupation is necessary, then the State of Israel should treat those in occupied territories like we wish we were treated in Eastern Europe. Both the history of my people and nation have made it clear to me that what is going on here is wrong.

A second way American history has informed my feelings toward Israel is the Civil Rights movement. In the style and spirit of the words of Martin Luther King (who ironically, in my opinion, has a street named after him in West Jerusalem): I dream that one day all people living in the land of Israel will have the full rights of citizens, will be provided with the appropriate resources, and will be treated as equals.

I do not want to see Israel make the same mistakes America has or the same mistakes the oppressors of the Jewish people have. With a heart filled with concern and a mind burdened by disillusionment, I went to the Western Wall last night to pray for peace. Call me naive, call me young, call me an idealist. I do not care. I will keep believing that, as Edmond Fleg wrote, "...the promise of Israel is the universal promise." Because deep down inside of me, in the same place my love for Israel and the people of Israel comes, I feel the presence of a force greater than man. I feel the force that connects all men. I feel an inner peace that I want the whole world to know.

"He will judge the Earth justly, and it's people faithfully." Psalm 96

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

“The soles of your shoes are all warn down…”

As I began writing this blog post, I was sitting in an apartment in Tzfat, a holy city in Israel and the home of Kabbalah. I was typing on my friend Emma’s computer while it snowed/rained outside. Our power was out. It was freezing cold. Rebekah and Emma were sitting behind me reading Captain Underpants in Hebrew. It was a bizarre end to a surreal week.

Most of this week was relatively uneventful. I did a couple of things in Haifa, but nothing truly noteworthy. As the week drew to a close I had to study for my Ulpan final, clean my room out, and pack my backpack for the adventure ahead of me. With an eviction notice from the university on my door and Ulpan behind me, I felt like a true wanderer. It was hard to say goodbye to the place I had begun to love and the people who made it special. Despite that, what I said in last week’s post remains true. I want to move on and explore. I want to use my Hebrew in more real world situations. It is possible that I failed my final but I still do think I have learned a significant amount since being here. So, with a fair share of sadness and even more excitement, I spent Thursday afternoon and evening moving out. It felt a bit strange but I knew it had be done.

In the afternoon, Emma and Rebekah came over to keep me company while I tried to finish the task of packing my room. Emma offered to run Applejack, a program to clear up issues with Apple computers, on Walter Jr., my computer. There were a couple of kinks with him. They were nothing major but she thought Applejack could help. When she went to restart Walter Jr., he would not boot. The apple would come up and the thinking dial would spin. The fan would begin to run and he would promptly shut down. Panic ensued. Using her international phone Emma called the Helpdesk at the Main Library of Brandeis University, where she works. They could not help. She then called Applecare. They said that, because my computer is past warranty, they would charge fifty dollars to do troubleshooting. They told Emma if it did not work the troubleshooting would be free. We decided to eat dinner and try to fix it ourselves before making any decisions. When that did not work, she called back. The new Applecare specialist was not as helpful. She said the troubleshooting would cost fifty dollars no matter what and would not tell us if she thought it would help. We asked her to explain to us where we can get help with my computer in Israel only to find out that there are no Apple stores here. (Fun fact: There are Apple stores in the United Arab Emirates but not in Israel.) My situation seem hopeless. Emma asked to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor did the troubleshooting with us for free but it did not work; however, we did learn that the problem was either the Operating System (OS) or the hard drive. I was desperately hoping that it was just the OS. If that is the case, all you have to do is reload it with the disk. Unfortunately, my OS Panther, is so old that you cannot download it online. We decided to call our counselors from the university to find out where we could find somebody that can fix Apple computers. They told us that instead of Apple there is an Apple retailer called iDigital. There is a iDigital in the Grand Canyon mall in Haifa.

On Friday morning, we woke up and grabbed all of our stuff for our trip to Tzfat. After two bus rides we arrived at the mall. Once awkwardly going through the security check with all of our stuff (yes, malls in Israel have security gates), we made our way to the iDigital. Oriel, an “Expert” (in America they are called “Geniuses”), tried to help me with his broken English. A lot of the details of our conversation were in Hebrew because he could not easily explain the technicalities in English. At first, he told me that I had to send my computer to some lab due to the fact that it is a foreign computer. I was not excited to hear that. It sounded expensive and I had reason to believe that all I needed was the OS. With some persuasion from me, he booted it with Snow Leopard, the upgraded OS for my computer, on an external hard drive. He said that they could try to restore my computer and upgrade it but that I had to leave it for them to work on. It was Friday and, therefore, I would not be able to get my computer until Sunday. Later that day, as we waited for our bus to Tzfat, I got a call from Oriel. My computer was fixed! I picked up my computer and payed 434NES (approximately 120 dollars) but the information was all lost. It was silly of me to never have backed it up. Oh, well. At least I have a computer.

I was in Tzfat from Friday to Sunday. It was raining and snowing (!) most of the time. Saturday morning we had hoped to go to services at some of the famous synagogues here. The rain and our sleep deprived bodies prevented us from making on time. We still had the pleasure of seeing beautiful views from Mount Meron and the old city empty with the exception of people going to and from synagogue. Actually, the largest group of people we came upon was a cluster of men dancing in the rain outside of HaAri Synagogue. The rest of the day we relaxed. To our misfortune, the power went out in our cold little guesthouse. After Shabbat and a couple tries, the owner fixed it. That night, we went out for dinner at a nice dairy restaurant and went on a walk. That walk involved a lot of snow. Too bad we did not pack winter wear for Israel. Our shoes, particularly the soles of Emma's fashion boots, payed the price. The next morning, we hit all the major sites of Tzfat, ate delicious Yemenite food, and got a bus back to Haifa.

As I finish this post it is Monday morning and I am staying in Emma's room at the University of Haifa. Today I am taking a day trip to Akko. Tomorrow morning I will make the move to Jerusalem. I have some really fun plans for my time there. It also appears that I will have internet but I have not decided if I will be bringing my laptop...I would hate to see it break again.

Tentitive Itinerary (17 Feb - 5 March 2012)

Friday, February 17 - Sunday, February 19: Tzfat with Emma and Rebekah
Sunday, February 19 - Monday, February 20: Staying in Haifa with a day trip to Akko
Tuesday, February 21 - Saturday, February, 25: Jerusalem
Saturday (after Shabbat), February 25 - February 26: Eilat
Monday, February 27: Petra, Jordan *on an organized tour*
Tuesday, February 28- Wednesday, February 29: more Eilat
Wednesday, February 29- Saturday, March 3: Tel Aviv
Saturday, March 3 (after Shabbat): Go back to Haifa
Sunday, March 4: Day trip to Akko from Haifa
Monday, March 5: Arrive in Beer Sheva

Still on the Israel to-do list:
The Galilee (with the exception of Tzfat)
Ein Gedi (obligatory Dead Sea stuff and Masada)
Negev area spots: Sde Boker and Mitzpe Ramon
More time exploring Jerusalem and Tel Aviv

New Again

"I am, I am ready to be new again."

This week has been much more comfortable for me in many ways. I have mostly gotten used to the kitchen here. Cooking and shopping have also become much easier. Having class at 8:30 in the morning is still annoying but I have learned to keep myself together for the four hour class. Traveling around Haifa has become a little more second nature to me. If it was not for the fact that I am leaving here in six days, I would be extremely happy with my progress. Instead, I find myself ready to move on before I get too comfortable.

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On the evening of Shabbat last week, I attended a dinner held by the Student Association on campus. It was very nice but I must admit that I was a bit embarrassed to be surrounded by Americans. The people on this program are great but I dislike having too many people assuming that I want to speak to them in English and asking me a lot about America. That, unfortunately, was not my biggest problem. After many times hearing one of the Rabbis speaking, some of the American students began talking at a disrespectfully loud volume. The Rabbi reprimanded them in Hebrew, which they do not understand, and the translator did not relay the message. It frustrates me at times like that to be lumped together with the other international students. Despite my frustration, it was all in all a nice evening and I enjoyed the company of my fellow international students. Honestly, part of me wishes I was staying here. A larger part of me knows that I will learn more and grow more when I push myself further out of my comfort zone by entering a true immersion.

During Shabbat day I went on an amazing hike. I gathered a group of three friends to go on a five hour hike to the beach with me through Carmel National Park. It was challenging but very fun. That adventure got me very excited to start my backpacking trip. Hiking through the nature of Israel is so different from what I am used to. I hope that I will have an opprotunity to do many hikes while I am here.

Now for the really sad news: I failed my Ulpan midterm. It was pretty upsetting. I really did study as hard as I could and I tried my best. I cannot really expect any more than that from myself. Fortunately, my teacher allowed me to retake the same exam (she switched the order of the questions). Since the exam, the work load for that class has decreased a bit. That has been extremely helpful for me. Especially because it gave me time to practice my Hebrew presentation about the Lifespan Emotion Development Laboratory, where I work when I am at school. I am still not happy with the amount of Hebrew I am using but it has improved some. I am going to do my best to keep working in this direction. While I am traveling I suspect I will be able to disengage from English for quiet some time.

Wednesday it was Tu B'Shvat, the New Year of the trees. On Tuesday we planted trees on campus and had a seder, a ritual meal. 

This week has included some interesting trips. On Wednesday we went to the Diaspora Museum in Tel Aviv. It was a very unique place. I am happy we went because it made me think a lot; however, I disagreed with the tone of the museum and overall did not enjoy it. I felt that the museum spoke of the Diaspora as the past and focused a lot on what went wrong instead of the current situation or happy times in the past. The tour ended in a ramp symbolically representing making "aliyah" (literally it mean "going up" but it is used to say making immigration to Israel in Hebrew). I do not believe that the end goal of modern Judaism is Israel or that the Diaspora is a historical relic. I feel just as connected to American Judaism as I do to Israeli Judaism. Going to the museum caused me to evaluate my current feelings on the role of Israel and America on my life as a young Jewish women. At this point in my trip, I feel that I need more time to reach any conclusions but I believe this is the perfect time to start asking those questions.

Thursday I got my bangs cut for 10 NES. It was very cheap and very good. I cannot even begin to tell you how nice it is to have gotten my bangs out of my eyes. I went with my new hair-do over to Emma's place for a delicious meal with a large group of Israelis and Americans. We also had a smaller Shabbat dinner there. It was very pleasant to cook and eat with people in the way good friends do.

Yesterday, I went on a spectacular trip to Caesarea, the Carmel Winery, and Zichron Yaakov. I have no profound thoughts on any of those places but I would definitely recommend them. Caesarea was very beautiful and historically complex. Standing in a place with so much history and so many stories was powerful. Carmel Winery was also powerful but in a very different way. We had a nice wine tasting on empty stomachs. Not the best planning but it was very fun. After that, we were given time to eat some delicious felafel in Zichron Yaakov. We were led on a short tour. It was a nice little town to walk around and eat some food. If you ever happen to be in the area and looking for an easy going afternoon trip with some history thrown in, I would advice you go to Zichron Yaakov.

Today Emma and I walked to a Mosorti (similar to Conservative in America) synagogue in Horev Center, Haifa called Moriah Congregation. The walk totaled almost an hour each way. Even though we were tired, the weather was very nice and the walk was well worth it. We arrived at the synagogue in time for the Torah service. After services they had a nice Tu B'Shvat Seder and a potluck lunch. We stayed and sat with an American who made "aliyah" to Israel with her children and Israeli husband. It was an enjoyable way to spend Shabbat. If I were staying in Haifa, I think I would find myself going there often but I will never find out because this Thursday I take my final exam and move out of my dorm room.

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 I said "I am ready," a couple of weeks ago and was very wrong. This time, I do not hold such delusions. I do, however, have a firm belief that I am ready to leave here. If I stayed much longer I would not have the strength to leave my new friends and my new-found comfort with Haifa. I know that moving forward will be what is best for me. By traveling I will have a more well-rounded experience. By attending Ben Gurion University I will learn the most Hebrew and will get to know a new place better.

After what I have learned here, I will try my best to move forward knowing that "Who I am is quite enough."

Bizness

"I say, Get up, stand up, get up, stand up, get on it."

I am going to start off with the most important piece of business: Food. I can proudly say that I successfully went grocery shopping on Sunday! Three girls from Ulpan and I managed to take the bus to a mall with a supermarket. I bought a ton of food and spent way to much money for it. Although I have buyer's remorse, I am happy that I have been eating a lot healthier this week. At least now I am doing well in the food department and I know what to do for next time to be a smarter shopper here. I have also learned from my roommates how to use the kitchen and what items I should buy next time. In addition, they have shared many meals with me this week. These food related experiences are vital for my cultural immersion.

I cannot boast the same success with my goal to use more Hebrew. Homework from Ulpan has consumed most of my free time. It also, unfortunately, has produced a lot of resentment. Even though I still love Hebrew, I am having a hard time separating my negitive feelings for my class from the language itself. To tell you the truth, my negativity has become a bit of a problem. I know there is at least one person that is getting annoyed with how much I have been fixating on bad feelings toward my class. Learning Hebrew is my main reason for studying in Israel. Because of that and my general obsession with doing well in school, I have focused a lot of my energy into Ulpan. I have learned new grammar but not enough new vocabulary. Our midterm on Thursday proved that. I studied all the words she told us to memorize and I knew the grammar relatively well too. Still, none of that could help me when I could not understand the meaning of the sentences I was reading. It was impossible to fill in the blank with the vocabulary words or prepositions I had studied, when I could not read the sentences. That is not something I really can study. I think the best thing I can do is to stop taking my class so seriously. Trying my best is all that I can expect of myself. Letting it effect my mood prevents me from completing my goal to speak more Hebrew. So for this upcoming week my new goal is to get out more. To speak more. To get on it.


Although I have not been speaking as much as I should, I have been listening to more Hebrew. When I am with roommates they switch between Hebrew and English. Surprisingly, I often understand what they say in Hebrew but I cannot respond quickly. I believe that the more I listen to them the easier it will be for me to speak like them. Right now when I speak Hebrew they cannot easily understand me. I have no doubt that if I keep listening and starting trying harder I will be able to communicate better. It is also notable and promising that I spoke the most Hebrew to them so far just last night. We went to a club together and stayed out until four in the morning. It was awesome to spend time in Haifa with Israelis.

I am having a lot less friend-making anxiety this week. My roommates are very nice, funny, generous, and energetic. They are very different from my international friends here and my American friends at home. It took a while to get used to how blunt they are and how much they argue. Now I see past those cultural differences and can see what great people they are. I like to spend time with them because they speak Hebrew but I also because I really enjoy their company. This week I have been in my apartment enjoying time with my roommates a majority of the time I am not in class. I have made some American friends as well. I am not super close with any of them but I am close enough that I know I could find somebody to go places with and to spend time with if I am lonely. In general, people on my program are friendly.

As Shabbat approaches, I am feeling some anxiety about getting my Ulpan midterm back and about my backpacking trip that is beginning in two weeks. There is not anything I can do about the midterm except remind myself that the grade does not really matter and that what is important is that I am learning. The trip, however, is something I can control better. I need to keep reading my travel book and make some decisions. Soon I hope to be able to post a tentative itinerary here.

As you can probably tell, I feel much better this week. That became very obvious to me when I went through my last post to finally edit it. After reading this post, I hope you see the progress I have made. Thank you to everybody who offered words of support either here, on Facebook, or on Skype. It really helped me to remain hopeful going into this past week. It was that hope that made my progress possible.

Such Great Heights

Writer's note: Please keep in mind these are very fresh feelings and I choose not to censor them. Everything will be fine and there is no need to worry.

"Everything looks perfect from far away..."


Even though it was just a week and a half ago, it is already strange to read my first blog post. To see what my expectations were (and how wrong they were) is hysterical for me…hysterical in the funny light-hearted way but also in a more cynical way. Hopefully this post will enable you to understand my ambivalent feelings.

As I got off the plane at TLV with Emma, a friend from college, déjà vu hit me like a brick. (Perhaps like one of sand colored bricks that surrounded me and that overpopulate all of Israel.) I could feel my footsteps on them from years before. The Hebrew on the signs comforted me and made me feel safe. I knew I had entered the most meaningful place for Jewish people all around the world. I felt tired but excited to embark on my journey and to experience the beauty of Israel again. What I did not know was how hard it would be to become comfortable in a university in a foreign place. Even the “homeland” does not always feel like home. I thought that my past two experiences abroad would provide my with what I needed to succeed here. I still may succeed, but now that I am a week wiser I do not think that those trips really could ever have prepared me for this. Despite the déjà vu, I really had never been Ben Gurion Airport as the same person before. I was just a child having my hand held all the way through. Arriving in the airport was also very different from when I arrived in London this summer. Honestly, This journey and experience I came to have is, at least so far, completely different than backpacking through Europe. Adventure is for vacation. Daily life, the little things, hold many more challenges.

These differences I have alluded to became evident from the moment we exited the airport. Here is a play-by-play of what happened: We wanted to take shared taxi called a Sherot from the airport to the University of Haifa. The van only had room for two but we had picked up a friend at the airport. So, we decided to wait for the next one. It arrived quickly and we got on but it did not leave. After sitting there for a half an hour, the driver told me that we could not leave until we got more people. He did not know how long that would take. We got off and went over to the taxi area. I asked how much it would cost to take a taxi to Haifa. It was too expensive. We took the train instead. Once in Haifa, we did not know how to get to the school because had not planned on needed to use public transportation. An old woman helped us. Everything, up to this point, was in Hebrew. I was the only one conversing and I was, therefore, making the decisions. It was scary. It was difficult. Yet, I must admit, it was extremely rewarding. My past time in Israel did not help me to navigate or to speak. However, similar situations from my backpacking trip did help. I thought, while sitting on the bus, “It was a good thing I have backpacked before.” I felt fearless.

After all that, a young woman helped us switching buses and getting off at the university. We were greeted at the campus with cold rain and no understanding of where to go. With luck on our side we made it to the room where we received our keys. I was freezing. My room was dirty. My stuff was wet. My kitchen had no oven, toaster oven, or microwave. I broke down. Emma comforted me and together we went on a group outing to a bar (my favorite kind too – Irish). I had some beer and met some people. It was a good time. Especially because I did not have much eat beforehand, the beer went a long way. It washed away some of the negative emotions that come once I got here but, like the waves, they have come and gone many times since.

The next morning we had our exams for getting into Hebrew classes. I was placed in the sixth level out of seven. I have had four days of Hebrew so far. They have been just as challenging as from the airport to the university. I have struggled a lot with the material but I must admit my Hebrew had been improving a lot. That is definitely to the credit of this program because I have not been using Hebrew very much. I try to speak in Hebrew with my roommates, random Israelis, and my friends who speak Hebrew. It is not easy to actually speak very often for two reasons: a) most of the time I am around people who do not know much Hebrew, and b) I become very frustrated with Hebrew after four hours of Hebrew class a day and at least three more hours of homework. It is my goal to try harder to speak more Hebrew.

Although class has been hard, it really is not the thing that has been causing my discomfort. Earlier, I referred to the little things being challenging. A friend of mine once said that to me. Here, I have learned that how true that saying is. A perfect example is food. A lot of people on my program have not really been eating. That just does not work for me. There is a minimarket on campus near where we live that is a bit expensive and does not have everything I need to create a varied diet. So, I was happy to find out that were going to have a trip on Tuesday (two days after I arrived) that involved us stopping to a shopping area that we could buy the things we needed. I am almost done with that food. So tomorrow I need to go out to a supermarket. It is not simple to find food here that is the same as what I eat at home. Reading labels in Hebrew to try and see what is in my food is also difficult. The simple act of shopping is much more daunting here than it was in Europe because of an extreme sense of permanence I feel. I know I am going to be here a while and, thus, I need to get used to the food. I know this. Still, I am intimidated.

I think that I expected this trip to be more of an adventure and less of a trial. I may not be having as much fun as I anticipated but I have managed to have some fun since I have been here. I have taken two walks in the gorgeous Carmel National Park. Honestly, it is more of a mountain than park. It has beautiful views and paths. Today I walked there with a large group of students. Our leisurely Shabbat walk quickly turned into an intense hike when we went off the path. I also went to a club last night with two girls from the Ulpan and two Israeli guys. I found it really helpful to go out and dance and also to go on the walk today. Most my focus has been on the things I need to do: eating, sleeping, and studying. True, those are the most important things. But, I also need start keeping my mental health in better check.

This first week has tested my self-confidence a lot. My struggles in Hebrew and with simply getting food have made me feel insufficient. Beyond that, my long-standing friend-making anxiety has definitely reared its head. Think I am getting over all of these problems but I do not think I could have much progress without Emma here. Emma and I have been spending a lot of time together. We are in the same Hebrew class, I use her kitchen often, and she has been comforting me even more often. I owe her many thanks.

As you can see, I feel pretty conflicted right now. I am learning and I growing. I am getting frustrated and I am feeling smaller. I am having fun and I am gaining new knowledge about myself. I am lonely and I am not happy with my attitude. All these emotions are floating inside of me one week in to my Ulpan at the University of Haifa. After a restful and reflective Shabbat, I feel that things will continue to get better. My time here is going to change me in truly tremendous ways. But for now, I am taking the simple pleasure of finding my last post pretty hysterical. I was definitely not ready for this.

These Two Sides of My Brain Need to Have a Meeting

T-minus four days.

My room: relatively clean. My checklist of things to buy: almost complete. My bags: not packed. My mind: still not convinced I am leaving for a five month study and travel experience in Israel.

Three and half years ago I packed the same suitcase that lays in front of me now for a four month High School semester in Israel called NFTY-EIE. The program is based on Kibbutz Tzuba right outside of Jerusalem. It was my first time in Israel and I have not been back since then. We traveled around and I had the opprotunity to see all of the major sites. EIE was a great program; however, it was also a program for children. Now, at age 20, I take my suitcase on an adventure all my own. One where I can do what I want, when I want.

Approximently eight months ago I carried my enormous backpack filled with everything I needed for my five week backpacking trip through Europe. Sabrina (a girl I met once before we embarked on our adventure), Kirsten (one of my close friends that I have known since Middle School), and I went all over. With our Eurrail passes in hand, which was a bit more of a fiasco than we had planned, we went to London, Dublin, Paris, Munich, Budapest, Vienna, Prague, Berlin, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Amsterdam, and Brussels. We went without a concrete plan and with very little money but that did not matter. What we learned was timeless and invaluable. Still, I had no responsibilities or any difficult goals to accomplish while I traveled. In Israel I plan to challenge myself to learn Hebrew and to backpack in all alone for two weeks.

Now my suitcase and my backpack are not packed, my mind has not wrapped itself around the reality that my Ulpan at Haifa University begins in a week, and I have not gotten on the plane yet, but I am ready.