It has been quite some time since I have written here. As far as I can tell, this is mostly because I have become used to my routine here since returning from Passover break. This blog has always been a place for me to document my travels and, right now, I am not really traveling. That being said, I still think that there is room for me to share some of the things I have been doing lately.
I am much happier living in Israel now then I have been throughout my adventure. Traveling here was always what I looked forward to but living here has been more challenging for me. It feels like I have overcome my difficulties now and Be'er Sheva has become a comfortable place for me. I go to classes, I do a lot of homework, I volunteer at Beit Enosh (Humane House), I pray, eat, and listen to lectures Beit Carrov (Close House), I go on short trips with the Student Union, I spend time with my lovely roommate Yarden, I run every so often, and I sometimes go to a party. In essence, I have formed a pretty normal student lifestyle here.
My self esteem is very much in the gutter when it comes to Hebrew but I keep forcing myself to push forward and I think my outlook is improving because of it. Some milestones for me have occurred. I now understand people 80 percent of the time! My big problem is that I cannot properly respond. It is still awesome that I can watch a play (I have seen two plays at the Be'er Sheva theater, "Why Didn't You Come Before the War?" and "Nora") or a lecture and understand it. I have also noticed that I can write and read with more ease now. My progress seems slow in comparison to other people but I am starting to accept that I cannot change who I am. If this is the speed I learn, this is the speed I learn.
Part of what has helped me to be more accepting of myself is my volunteer work. Beit Enosh is a place for people with mental health problems to come together and do activities. It is a place of empowerment and community. I volunteer from 4-7pm every Tuesday. I have found it to be a safe space for me to practice me Hebrew and not feel judged. The people are really nice and willing to help me. In a couple of weeks I hope to teach the weekly dance activity. I am preparing a Powerpoint about tap dance and teaching myself how to explain basic moves in Hebrew.
Another reason I have been feeling better has been the amount of encouragement I receive from those around me in my daily life. Meital, a amazing friend who graduated high school early and decided to come here for a semester, always helps me to understand things and tells me about interesting activities she hears about. It is because of her that I go to Beit Carrov and it is also because of her that I found an amazing Kabbalat Shabbat (a prayer service just for the evening of Shabbat to welcome the day of rest) to go to last night with instruments and people of more simular ideology to mine. Another thing I loved about the service is that it was held in a second-hand clothing store in a permanent tent on a plot of public land where the neighborhood also has a free clothing of lesser quality and a shared garden. Very cool stuff in my opinion. Meital is also the way I found an amazing clothing store in the Old City here. For the first time since I got here I bought clothing. I may have went a little crazy spending seventy US dollars but I did get a dress, two skirts, pants, and a shirt. I really do love Israeli clothing.
Lately I have spent more time with Israelis than ever before. This past week I played basketball with Israelis, sat and watched "Game of Thrones" with my roommate, played cards with her and her boyfriend, and I enjoyed the company of people at Beit Carrov both for dinner and lunch this Shabbat. I have noticed that my energy and tolerance for doing a lot of things in Hebrew in once day has increased. A really awesome observation I have made is that the things I am learning in my classes on Israeli society from a sociological perspective and on film and media in Israel are actually extremely relevant to my interactions with Israelis. I am starting to get a better understanding of the greater Israeli society and its cultural diversity. I can now compare the gay guy from an Orthodox background who does not fit in, especially in an army setting, to a very average boy from a Kibbutz (communal living community) up north and see the societal normatives at play between them. This is the first time I have ever really been able to observe a culture outside of my own in such an authentic way.
Speaking of Israeli society, it is important to note that three holidays have come and gone since I last wrote. The first was Yom Ha'Shoah. Yom Ha'Shoah is a day remembering the Holocaust. There was a ceremony on campus and I also went to a play with a Holocaust theme, "Lama lo ba'at lefneh ha'melchamah?'' ("Why Didn't You Come Before the War?"). A week later was Yom Ha'zikaron (Memorial Day). The night before Erev (the night of) Yom Ha'zikaron (so two days before Yom Ha'zikaron) I went to a sad sing-along concert. It was sad because we sung depressing songs but the music was absolutely beautiful. That day I went to another ceremony on campus. The Erev (the night of) Yom Ha'zikaron I went to a lecture at Beit Carrov. I love Beit Carrov as a community to pray and eat but I don't agree with their nationalist view of Judaism. In the course of this lecture I was told that there is no place for Jews outside of Israel. The Diaspora is done and we should be here, in our homeland Israel. It was, to say the least, awkward. The next night was the beginning of Yom Ha'Atzmaut (Independence Day). The holidays fall one day after the other to make for a beautiful analogy about death and life. I went to Beit Carrov again because I wanted to observe how they pray on Yom Ha'Atzmaut. For them it is also a religious holiday. They signify that by doing special prayers specifically for Yom Ha'Atzmaut. Afterward we ate falafel...making sitting through the whole thing entirely worth it. I walked off the grease while wandering around the city that night. It was a lot like the Fourth of July. There were a ton of parties and fireworks and people were joyous.
Joyous might be too strong a word to describe how I feel right now but I do feel good. Writing this post has been very cathartic for me. It is nice to reflect on how good of a time I am having. Often I am so focused on the papers I do not want to write and how much I miss Brandeis University or my family and friends in New Jersey to remember how wonderful of an opportunity this is. My time here can be difficult to enjoy when all the time I am asked if I want to make Aliyah (immigrate or "go up" to Israel) and through that question I am forced to articulate what I want for the future. The truth is, I have no clue. Most likely I will not make Aliyah. But, it is really okay with me that I am not sure. I refuse to believe that at twenty years old I need to have it all figured out. For now I am determined to just enjoy the journey.
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